Who Is The Worst Bill Clinton?

That’s a trick question, readers. The worst Bill Clinton is of course…Bill Clinton.

I got no use for that dude, never did. If he’s the best this country could do for a liberal President in the 1990s then the country is screwed — and, look, behold, we’re screwed! Granted the scale of his lying and womanizing and worse can’t compare to those of the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, but that’s only like saying “Look! This dung beetle didn’t eat as much as that hog!”

I probably wouldn’t be so savagely judgmental of Clinton if my fellow liberals didn’t seem so guileless and idiotic in their regard for him. We may be less uncritically tribal than the other side, but we are still guilty of possessing misty, water-colored memories of the way we were (I got that from a song from a movie starring two famous liberals). Clinton was impeached, he disgraced his office, he harmed the soul of the country, he backed off from nearly every progressive element of his announced platform, and then championed mass incarceration to the lasting harm of this nation. Among much else to his discredit. How does he show his face in public? But his type never has a problem with that. There are uncountable ways in which Slick Willy helped pave the way for the current, even slicker, Willy who plays the role of President today.

So this is not a tribute. But…short of Bill Clinton, who is the worst “Bill Clinton” — meaning an actor or impersonator who portrays him in a movie or television show? Of the six below I know who the two best ones are: the Saturday Night Liveones, because they come off as intended. Whereas the other four are theoretically “dramatic” while being unintentionally just as preposterous as the comedy ones, much all the bad JFKs, LBJs, and Nixons we’ve seen over the years. My own verdict at the bottom of the post.

Phil Hartman (1992-94)

Hartman’s impression was funny because Phil Hartman was funny, and because he did good impressions. He was reasonably in the ball park, and was after all the first to tackle the job, so a lot of the basics that others have glommed on to were established by him, which is half the battle. But there is too wide a gulf between the actor and the character, a flaw shared by nearly every one of the performers we mention. Above all, Hartman lacks that good ole boy “Bubba” energy. There’s too much of his own personality in it.

Darrell Hammond (1995-2009)

Hammond, however, is from Florida so he GETS the Bubba part. He also nailed that lip biting thing. I think his may have been the best impersonation.

John Travolta, Primary Colors (1998)

I thought this was pretty unconscionable, and a bad precedent, no pun intended. You DO know, actors, don’t you, that when you play a famous person, you don’t actually have to do an impression of them? That it’s more important to play the soul of the person, and master their drives and desires and demons, and all that? To do an out and out impression in a biographical drama is way too distracting, and it just becomes a clown performance. So that’s what we have here. There is a skein, perhaps of satire to it; this is after all a Mike Nichols picture. But does Travolta know it? If anything, he seems to be approaching the part with reverence for a guy he admires. On the other hand, I’m not sure if I want a Barbarino performance either. I mean, the guy’s from New Jersey. Yet the phonus balonus in this motion picture can’t compare to Travolta’s howl-inducing get-up at Robert Shapiro in The People vs. O.J. Simpson — which is nothing so much as foreshadowing for a future pseudo-Clinton…

Dennis Quaid, The Special Relationship (2010)

This is a British show, about Clinton’s partnership with Tony Blair (Michael Sheen). I kind of like the fact that Quaid rides between his own Texas voice and Clinton’s soft-spokeness, but he looks too old and his nose is too strange — looks like an alien in a Star Trek movie. His performance in this role does balance out his bipartisan karma for playing Ronald Reagan recently, though. Since he supported 45/47 however, it would be my pleasure to cast him as one of our deceased Presidents — preferably as they appear today in their caskets in the boneyard.

Ciaran Hinds, Political Animals (2012)

This one doesn’t really count, as it is a fictionalization, But it is a relief. Hinds merely adopts a Southern accent for the role, and it does allow you to get at the essence of the character without distractions. I mean what is the point of telling the story? Which brings us to —

Clive Owen, Impeachment: American Crime Story (2021)

I’ve saved the worst for last, but is the last one chronologically anyway. Now, let me hasten to interject, Clive Owen is NOT a bad actor, and does not do a bad job here, within the contortions that have been laid out for him. That’s the primary sin of how he was directed in this performance. It is a WASTE of Clive Owen, who is not just an incredible actor ordinarily, but an incredible presence. Here, they’ve got him in everything but clown make-up. The nose is the worst, possibly worse than Bradley Cooper as Lenny. Who was the model for this shnozz? Woody Woodpecker?W.C. Fields? I guess this is among the Ryan Murphy trademarks but damn is it beside the point. Ya got a good story — TELL THE STORY! So, yeah, I roared with laughter throughout this show, so I sure hope that was their intention.

Oh, look here’s a photo —

Don’t get cocky, Republicans —