War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)

Director: Matt Reeves

Starring: Andy Serkis, Woody Harrelson, Steve Zahn

After the apes suffer unimaginable losses, Caesar wrestles with his darker instincts and begins his own mythic quest to avenge his kind.

I recently wrote about how critics rated ‘Bumblebee’ the highest (92%!!) in the ‘Transformers’ series, yet it did the worst at the box office. Well, they’ve done it again. ‘War for the Planet of the Apes’ is the highest rated by critics (93%), and it had the lowest box office takings of the reboot trilogy. Seriously, critics, I’m starting to believe you love insanely slow moving films.

Yup, this film was just a drag. It was slow and overlong and every scene felt dragged out, accompanied by piano music – one key every two or three seconds…Yawn… This film was quieter than ‘A Quiet Place’. This was such a yawner that I couldn’t wait for the end.

I mean, seriously, the film has no plot, apart from Caesar going after the humans for killing his family, and seems to take FOREVER to get there!! Along the way there are so many unnecessary scenes trying to win you over by being sentimental. Why was the little girl in the film? She served absolutely no purpose whatsoever and was a very weak character. The film is called ‘War for the Planet of the Apes’, but there’s no war. In fact, apart from the first few minutes and the last 15 or so, there’s no action. Nothing. Just talk talk talk talk talk…and that sentimental piano music!

The action only arrives during the last few minutes, and it’s over before you can say “Ape!” By that time it was anyway too late for the film to redeem itself. I was only too happy the film (finally) reached its end. SPOILER: Oh, and the antagonist (Woody Harrelson) dies by shooting himself???!! What? No battle to the end between him and Caesar?? No climatic protagonist/antagonist fight??? We just have to assume he contracted the virus, unable to speak, and then shoots himself?? Honestly…

If you’re looking for action, skip this film. If you’re looking for a sentimental (dreary) Sunday afternoon movie, then this is for you.

And critics rate this the highest. Well, I suppose they do their reviews on Sunday afternoons then… Yawn.