Until I Dance Again

Aang: Listen, guys… dancing isn’t something you think about.

It’s a form of self-expression that no one can ever take away from you.

I was dancing. It was midnight and I was in the middle of the dance floor with my eyes closed and a smile on my face. The music pulsed all around me, thumping its way from the speakers across the room, along the floor and up my body. With all limbs in motion, I rocked to the beat as the strobe lights lit up the nightclub in flashes. I opened my eyes to find my best friend looking at me with a gentle smile. He walked over, wrapped me in his arms and whispered, “You are magnetic when you’re happy.”

I miss dancing. I loved going dancing with the girls and haven’t done so in over a year. I love music that moves me and I didn’t care too much back then for form or routine, and my “style” was a mixture of everything I’d learned in my lifetime. Mostly I just went with it, moving however I felt like moving, adding shimmies and hip hits that summer I learned how to belly dance. And then of course, when I drank most inhibitions went out the window and I didn’t care what anyone thought of my “groove”.

Since I quit drinking, the need to “be on my best behaviour / be sober” when I’m out in public has me more self-conscious than usual. Nowadays my public dancing is limited to head-bobbing in my car on the way to work. At home, in private, I dance up a storm to Lana Del Ray, Lady Gaga, Shakira, Nelly, Tove Lo, Sean Paul and Gwen in front of my mirror, creating Phoenix dance moves while I get dressed for work. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that with time and acceptance of self, I will feel comfortable in my sober skin, free enough to be myself, and dance to my own beat in front the whole world again. In the meantime, my bedroom rug is the stage upon which I’ll never stop dancing.

Love and light, Phoenix

Subscribe

If you’d like to receive new posts via email, sign up for a free subscription by entering your email address in the box above. Thank you for reading and sharing your experiences.

~*~

This is Post U, in the A to Z Blogging Challenge 2015. My 26 posts are inspired by the quotes from Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra, two Emmy award-winning animated television series created and produced by Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko. The setting for both series is in an Asian-influencedworld of martial arts and elemental manipulation. The shows drew on elements from East Asian, South Asian, and Western culture, and (aside from the kick-ass story lines, beautifully developed characters and exceptional storyboards) are where I found a wealth of inspiration and perspective on my own life.

The rest of my A to Z 2015 posts can be found here.