Truth is truth. How you deal with it is up to you.

“Truth is truth. How you deal with it is up to you.” – Camina Drummer, The Expanse, S4E02: Jetsam

The Truth about alcohol abuse:

People don’t talk much about alcohol abuse. At least most people I know. Like them, and before I quit, I too did not understand what it really meant. Being an “alcoholic” or not being able to “manage your drinking” was long (and for some, still is) thought to be a moral failing — a character flaw or lack of willpower. But it hardly ever is.

People don’t become dependent on alcohol (or anything addictive) because of a lack of discipline, they become dependent because they’re running from psychological discomfort or pain. Using potentially habit-forming behaviour to get relief from any type of pain, is always risky…for anyone.

Most people who drink the way alcohol abusers do, have issues with self-confidence, self-care, self-love and self-respect, and tend to bury or deny painful, difficult or traumatic memories. Instead of looking for healthy avenues to heal (which, quite frankly, are not always available), the “socially acceptable” consumption of alcohol becomes the go-to coping mechanism for the relief, euphoria or numbness it offers.

The Truth about my drinking:

I faced significant, life-altering challenges in my late teens and twenties which manifested as behavioural issues and various maladaptive coping mechanisms, including drinking. By the time I quit ten years ago, I was drinking as infrequently as once per month and as frequently as several days per week, usually at after-work limes at our favourite watering holes, at clubs, parties, barbecues, art exhibitions.

I’d have one or two drinks or several. Sometimes I’d have only wine, or I would consume different types of alcohol if I felt like it. Usually, I’d go home tipsy, or a little more than tipsy. Once a month I’d drive home intoxicated enough to not remember driving home. Every few months I’d binge drink and not remember hours of the night before. Every year or so I’d have a major episode where I would lash out at friends, crying, embarrassing loved ones, and making a nuisance of myself. It is a wonder that so many people loved me through all of that. But, as cliche as it sounds, I needed to learn to love myself.

The Truth of who I am:

When I quit drinking, I never imagined that this journey would give me so much more than a sober head: an opportunity to heal, a stronger sense of self, a direct line to reserves of strength I never knew I had, resilience, courage, confidence and belief in myself. Learning to understand and appreciate my authentic self is an ongoing process, even a decade later, but I am proud of how far I’ve come. Owning my story, my journey, and the truth of all that I am is one of the goals I wanted to achieve by Year 10. So, here I am:

I am Neala Luna. My story continues.

Love and light to you, Neala.

~*~

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