This is your fight song

aacca.org

If we learned one thing from the recent Summer Olympics, it’s that trampoline is a freaky thing to dedicate your young life to (). If we learned two things, it’s that there’s nothing quite like a stirring anthem to cement your jingoistic ties to the abstract notion of nationhood. Or nation of notionhood. Whatever.

With classes beginning this week, it seems a shame that many schools no longer have fight songs to rev up the bloodlust against other schools differentiated only by their postal code. There’s nothing quite like teenagers singing in unison as they call for the metaphorical death of their peers to make one feel pride in the ol’ school colours.

Maybe it’s because the nature of high schools has changed. It’s no longer about winning the big game. It’s about being sensitive to the times we live in.

And with that long introduction that really had nothing to do with the Olympics at all, I bring you some contemporary high school fight songs.

Fight Song for Schools with Racially Insensitive Team Names We are the Indians Though most of us are white We come here not to cause offence but Fight, fight, fight! Our team name is an homage To the spirit of First Nations Their pride we share, their strength, their heart We have no reservations

So fight, Indians, fight! Letting winning be your mission So fight, Indians, fight! Though you cannot fight tradition

Yes, play on, you Indians Our enemies can’t smite us Nor can angry pressure groups Despite how much they write us We’ll cheer and chant respectfully For every hit and pass caught But please don’t make us justify Our slightly racist mascot

(Repeat chorus)

Fight Song for Schools Whose Athletics Have Been Decimated by Budget Cuts() Oh, they took away our soccer team They took away football Yes, they took away our hoops, our pucks They took away them all Still they left us with one athlete Who will heed the victor’s call His cleats go marching on!

Glory, Glory, Howard Schula Glory, Glory, Howard Schula Glory, Glory, Howard Schula He’s all we can afford!

He’s the tight end for the football team He’s quarterbacking too He’s a point guard and a forward And he does what goalies do If he lives through solo rugby Then he’ll play next season too His cleats go marching on!

(Repeat chorus)

Fight Song for Schools with a Perennial Losing Record Go Black, go Green, go Burgundy The team we gather here to loudly cheer Play on, play on, though certainly The time for you to win is nowhere near

For we love thee-e-e-e Lacklustre Puma-a-a-a-s Fight on, oh team that we adore Yes, we know you-u-u-u-u Can’t muster too mu-u-u-uch But fear not – ’cause they stopped keeping score

Fight Song for Schools Preoccupied with Concussions Hit them! (But not too hard) Hit them! (And wear your mouth guard) Romp ’em, stomp ’em, chomp ’em gently so Crush them! (And then disperse) Rush them! (To see the nurse And tell their lawyers that we made them go)

For we are the Warriors The lawsuit-fearing Warriors With pride and caution we’ll bring home the Cup Yes, we are the Warriors The mighty careful Warriors How many fingers am I holding up?