The Top Ten Everyday Statements That Sound Dirty, But Aren’t

One of those Top Ten topics that are a dream to blog about, but hell to do on national radio.  Imagine the backpedaling and double-talking I had to do just to make some these airable.  And many just didn’t make it because I needed to keep my job.  Finally, I get to present to you the unedtied version of this Top Ten.

April 28, 2009 → The Top Ten Everyday Statements That Sound Dirty, But Aren’t – Sasha Purse

1. Zeni Grand – “Kulot sa itaas at sa ibaba.” (2-storey beauty parlor that does perms on both top and bottom floors)

2. Anto – “Amuyin ko muna yang tilapia mo para malaman ko kung sariwa pa.”

3. Jigan – “Iha, Tiyo Paeng mo ko! Tiyo Paeng mo ko!”

4. Joeshred – “Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more…” (Golf instructor to student)

5. Sicnarf – “Miss, magkano pakwan sa ‘yo?”

6. Jeremy – “Manong, bayad sa T. Tinio!” (T. Tinio is a street in Manila)

7. Curt Smith/Boknoi/Devil Boy/Juggernaut/Roland – “Lawayan mo muna para tumigas, saka mo ipasok.” (pagsilid ng sinulid sa karayom)

8. Greg/Vanzkull – “Ang init ng panahon, nagpapawis tuloy mani ko!” (peanut vendor)

9. No name – Employer: “Anong posisyon?” Applicant: “Ser, kahit ano, basta makapasok lang.”

10. Blitzkrieg – “Miss, puwede papatong?” (a guy asking if he can put down his bag on the lady’s table)

11. Masterbaker/Eternity_Armani – “Wag mo kong tirahin patalikod!” (to a backstabber)

12. TwistdSaint – “Matagal pa ba bago tumigas yan?” (customer to ice vendor)

13. RC and Cess – “Hey, you’re banging too hard!” (mom to a son knocking on the door)

14. Joeshred – “Bakit yung sa iyo malaki at walang buhok, yung sa akin maliit na maraming buhok?” (eating corn)

15. Donya Tequila/Roland/Doraemon – “Mas masarap pag sinipsip mo habang matigas pa!” (tips on eating ice candy)

16. Joeshred – “You can’t beat our meat.” (sign at a meatshop)

17. JCFerrero03 – Boss: “Anong specialty mo?” Applicant: “Blowjob po.” (Bar owner asking bartender applicant the drink she prepares best)

18. Nic – “O, yung itlog mo, dala mo?” (I always remind my husband to bring the herd-boiled egg he brings to work)

19. C.VanillaBen – “Ang kinakain ko lang na iltog yung maalat.”

20. Cuncun – “Hon, ibuka mo pa, malaki to!” (husband telling wife to open the door wider so he can bring in the new widescreen TV)

21. Bodzilla8 – In culinary class, a classmate once said to me: “Pare, ikaw naman ang mag-bate. Ngawit na braso ko eh…”

22. Sasha Purse/Peanut – “Paano tayo makakabuo kung di mo ipapatong?” (mga naglalaro ng lego)

23. Angel Shadowsong/Bobidaks – “Miss, gaano kalaki breast niyo?” (umoorder sa KFC)

24. Lady G. – “Salatin mo muna bago mo silipin!” (mahjong players)

25. Joeshred – “Boss ano gusto niyo, babae o bakla?” (tindera ng alimango)

26. Chad – “Wag mong isagad, bka dumugo!” (pag sinusungkit ang tutuli)

27. C.VanillaBen – After the recital, a pianist was asked: “When not playing the piano, what do you do in your spare time?” Pianist: “I play with my organ.”

28. Joeshred – An establishment that serves drinks and offers gambling – “Liqour in front, poker in the rear.”

29. Joeshred- “After 18 holes, I can hardly walk.” (golfer)

30. No name – “Itaas mo…ibaba mo…idiin mo…mas madiin pa…ayaaaan…ang sarap…” (someone having her back scratched)

31. HBK2 – “I-relax mo kasi puwet mo, para di mo maramdaman pag pinasok ko…” (a doctor administering vaccine actually told me this)

32. Tcams – “Miss, ilan ba dapat ang itlog ko?” (asked the waitress because the menu said 1 egg, but I had 2 on my plate)

33. Guelmytes – “Ang sarap talagang kainin ng mani ni Aling Ising, laging mainit!”

34. Iceage – “Puwede ko nang iputok? Saan mo gusto?” (at a shooting range)

35. No name – My mom buys hotdogs being endorsd by Sam Milby. One time she asked my brother: “Nasarapan ka ba sa hotdog ni Sam?” He said: “Okay lang, pero maliit, kaya ng isang subo.”

36. Abernathy – Kid with a stutter to his aunt: “Titi-tita, pepe-penge pong kiki-kikiam. Palagay na lang po dodo-doon sa susu-superman na plate. At yung bolbol-bolpen niyo, wala sa kin, pekpek-peksman!”