THE NORTHERN BOYS – Sexy Train (2023)

The Northern Boys are, like Pete & Bas, part of Sindhuworld, an Instagram-famous London convenience shop that somehow sprouted a record label back in 2017. It’s “kind of like Ruff Ryders but with old guys,” Norm summarizes. Their account of how they hooked up with this scene is no less confounding.

Hey baby, what’s your name? I’m Pat, that’s Kev, that’s Norman Pain (Wazzup?) Sweet love is a destination Now come take a ride on the sexy train (Woohoo) Get naked with me Let’s paint pictures of aeroplanes This one here is a cargo jet And I’m gonna call him “Shadowbane”

Hop, skip, jiggle me prick I said sometimes life is a massive bitch I’ve been evicted, now I live in a ditch But fuck it (fuck it), all aboard, baby, shake your tits I’m a strong, fancy gentleman Shoot my load from a tree like Spider-Man Put cokе in my tea, then it’s time to dancе Watch me cut shapes with me tiny hands (Woo)

Whoa, hey, friggin’ heck Bob my head like a pigeon peck I wanna dance for eternity So just fill my legs with the nanotech Robot Pat can’t be defeated He shoots lasers from his eyes Should have never given me the nanotech ‘Cause now I kill motherfuckers with my nanotech thighs

I don’t mean to be a dickhead I wanna put a smile on your pretty face (Woo) I’m a cuboid alien man I don’t wanna be a part of the human race (No) Bums, thieves, a bunch of swines Living a lie, suckin’ nic all the time (Bitch) If you really wanna we can do that too But I’d much rather just hold hands with you

Come on, yeah (Woohoo) Motherfucker do you wanna make a-love to me? Come on, yeah (Huh) Motherfucker do you wanna get fucked with me? Come on, yeah (Get fucked) Motherfucker do you wanna make a-love to me? (A-make love) Come on, yeah (Oh yeah) Motherfucker do you wanna get fucked with me?

All aboard (All aboard) All aboard the sex train (Woo) All aboard (Alright) All aboard the sexy train All aboard (All aboard now) All aboard the sex train (Hold on) All aboard (All aboard) All aboard the sexy train (Yes)

Hey motherfucker, let’s get fucked (Yeah) This here train is made of man love (Who?) Come and have a ride, you sexy bastards And don’t go home till you’re up the duff Fuck yeah, I got a spring in me step Let’s measure things with a trigonometry set ‘Cause I’m high (yeah), I wanna kiss your face I gotta make love slow ’cause my leg’s in a brace

I’ve got a man bag (yes) and it’s full of things One of those things is your favorite thing (That’s right) This one here is the greatest thing And inside that thing is another thing And wow, look, there’s a German man His name’s Jurgen (wow), he’s a tiny man What the fuck is he doing in a frying pan Am I just high? Or am I dying, man? (Ah)

My mate Kev has dementia He says, “Hi, ” and forgets he met ya His whole life’s an insane adventure Sometimes he sleeps in the shopping centre (Woo) Come on, I wanna party with you Let’s go downtown while the wife’s asleep (The bitch) She is an evil succubus And she spits black venom from her sagging teat (Fuck you)

Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go to the mall Let’s go, let’s go, and I’ll bring both balls (Ha) One to the left and one to the right Meet in the middle, a testicle fight (Oh yeah) Ticket to America, how do you do? Feeling like a love pirate, shiver me boots (Woo) I ain’t got time for the drama Hopping on the train, motherfucker, choo choo

Come on, yeah (Come on) Motherfucker do you wanna make a-love to me? (Woo) Come on, yeah (Alright) Motherfucker do you wanna get fucked with me? (Do you wanna get fucked?) Come on, yeah (Come on) Motherfucker do you wanna make a-love to me? Come on, yeah (Ah) Motherfucker do you wanna get fucked with me? (Motherfucker)

All aboard (Ah) All aboard the sex train (Woohoo) All aboard All aboard the sexy train (Alright) All aboard (Woo) All aboard the sex train (Come on)(Come on) All aboard (Come on) All aboard the sexy train (Let’s Jürgen)