The Misdirecting Views Of Reviews

There are many things in life that are seemingly intended to infuriate me; most recently its been supermarkets collective ignorance, regarding the locality issue of the humble Jaffa Cake, of which I have made it my stringent goal for all major supermarkets to finally acknowledge, that Jaffa Cakes belong in the Biscuit section, as much as Shia Labeouf deserves to star on the silver screen, (they’re called Jaffa Cakes, it’s not ironic, the clues in the name!). As you can see I’m very passionate (and perhaps a little psychotic), particularly when it comes to highly political issues, but the one thing that has become a regular annoyance for me is game reviews.

Reviews in general are a maddening proposition. It’s a delicate balance of attempting to vocalise your views through written means and conveying an endearing, insightful and concise opinion, while simultaneously remaining entertaining and not as though your Al Gore delivering your dreary perspective, on sea sponges. But it’s not how shamefully written the content is, it’s the fact that it is “an” opinion, not mine. Opinions are much like nipples; itchy and often pointy depending on the conditions…..hang on? No wait, what I mean is, everyone has them, and its rarely conducive to your own. It’s all a matter of perspective, and distinctive views on the similar circumstances can be an aid, but not always.

Waiting for the release of a game that you have been nervously anticipating, is thwart with an impending sense of uncertainty. It’s like getting ready for bed and discovering an imposing spider in your bedroom, but before you’ve had sufficient time to acquire an appropriate glass and an old bank statement to imprison the devious looking arachnid, it scampers. Your then left drifting precariously in and out of consciousness, fearing that at any moment the scheming arachnoid will pounce and reveal its unscrupulous agenda. That sense of impending dread is what I feel (sort of), until a reputable publication gleefully declares how a that game is a million, gazillion times better than your own feeble mind can possibly comprehend.

When Mass Effect 2 was released for the PS3, it had already accumulated more world-wide acclaim than a Christina Hendricks and Megan Fox, joint sex tape. It generated hype to such an unassailable degree, that not even joker could negotiate the Normandy through such wide-spread critical, approval unscathed. The hype surrounding Mass Effect subsequently defiled my view, and left me very displeased, as I can’t help feeling that if I had refrained from reading reviews, I may have been a fan. It’s because of this injustice that I now abstain from even acknowledging reviews until I’ve played them, returning after comparing my own experience with other people’s results. Various reviews and differing conceptions are needless until you’ve participated, so remember that reviews, even in spite of how articulately written it is, could prevent enjoyment, but more importantly, Jaffa cakes are not biscuits!

Have reviews that you’ve read affected your gaming experience? Let me know your thoughts.