The Jury is Out — Who should be the next PM, President and other crap job positions

The cases have been made, the jury has returned and given the little slip of paper to the judge. Yes, all of this has taken place in my head, and here are the rulings:

Prime Minister of Canada

Bobby Orr — If you didn’t know already, Orr was the ultimate “offensive defence.” In other words, his job was to defend the goalie, but while doing that he often went on the offense and scored goals. As a country, we should always be prepared to defend, but that shouldn’t be our #1 concern right now. We are in need of some victories a la health care wait times, economy and hockey game ticket prices.

President of the US

Jon Stewart — My American friends, please act now. The man just retired! Consider how he used a mere mix of humour and common sense to completely own both Tucker Carlson on CNN and Bill O’Reilly on Fox News. He’s always had the most realistic view of your economy, foreign policy, and domestic concerns. Consider this: if you were to hear a “state of the union address” from either Hillary Clinton, Mike Huckabee, or Jon Stewart, which would make the most honest, passionate, accurate, and clear presentation? In fact, it’s as simple as this: take all the current candidates running for office, line ‘em up, and now put John Stewart on the end. See??

Prime Minister of Britain

Prince William — William is popular, charming, smart, compassionate, sensible, and seemingly down-to-earth like his late mother. Brits, it’s time to take advantage of his youthful potential. And by the looks of it, he’s not going to be crowned king anytime soon.

President of France

Nicolas Sarkozy — Ok France, it’s like this. I’m not sure he’s what’s best for you right now, but his absence has left a huge gaping hole in the area of news entertainment. Nic kept us going for so long with the scandals, bloopers, and hijinks. And just when he was no longer President, God gave us Rob Ford. It was a golden era to be sure! Though I thought Trump would bring us a good dose of entertainment, it’s no Sarkozy drama nor a Ford comedy. It’s more like an Elm Street nightmare. Please France. Forgive Nic, bring him back, and make the heroic sacrifice for your fellow western civilization citizens who desperately need to watch the news and have a good laugh again. France, the entire jury is Canadian, so just be a lamb and get it done for us. k?

Congratulations . This is your week.

And the Oscar goes to…

Best Actress: Marisa Tomei in

. Marisa, if you can win an Oscar for a role in a movie that is 1) a comedy and 2) wasn’t nominated for anything else, you know you’re good.

Best Actor: Tom Hanks in . This was a tough one though, considering Denzel Washington and Joe Pesci were in the running.

Best Quote: I like what It’s in the Email suggested from : “I ain’t slept in five days. I got no money, a dress code problem, AND a little murder case which, in the balance, holds the lives of two innocent kids. Not to mention your [taps his foot] BIOLOGICAL CLOCK – my career, your life, our marriage, and let me see, what else can we pile on?”

Btw, if you like courtroom dramas, I would highly recommend:

(1957)

(1961)

(2000)

(2005)

(2001)

To Kill A Mockingbird (1962)