The Grammar Police? That’s Un-possible?!

Now I’m used to having my esoteric predilections ridiculed as being inaccurate or simply insufferable with intervals of asinine judgements regularly distributed against. I’m hardly blighted by these astringent comments nor have any of these appraisals been unnecessarily fraudulent, in fact I’d concede that even with a liberal interpretation for objectivity and given that I’m often composing vast gaming manuscripts as if it’s a magna carte, that reviling my work as being unnecessarily protracted is a just and prudent valuation. I am an enthusiastic manipulator of the English language that on occasions does construct expressions that become tangled by pomposity and attrition, with vestiges of coherency distributed accordingly. Trust me, I’ve looked back on some of my published articles and speculated how I’ve managed to structure sentences into such incomprehensible mesh of letters and grammatical deviations. A couple of weeks ago however I received the most nuanced, verging on genius detraction that has ever graced my comment section. A comment which has been pending mediation for some time, one strongly insinuates that my humble assertions are contributing to the desecration of the English language and literary vocabulary in general. Now if you haven’t yet seen the comment then check out my “Uncharted 4: A Thief’s Trend” post and scroll down to the comments and click the link to see what I mean. I openly applauded this reaction when I saw it, in a very drill monotonous way. It was just, wow! I never expected to receive such an accord that so brazenly admonished my stylistic distension with such*knock, knock, knock* hang on a second…….

???: Excuse me sir, are you Mr Karl Weller?

Me: Uh, yes? Is there a problem officer?

Officer: I’m afraid we have a warrant for your arrest on suspicion of gross negligence, inaccurate semantics and improper use of nouns and pronouns. We will have to search the premises to assess the damage caused to your dictionary.

Me: Wait, what?! This is absurd!

Officer: You have the right to remain silent, which you are presently advised to comply with given your documented penchant for melancholic procrastinations and lack of spacial awareness for the use of commas. You also have the right to a thesaurus.

Me: What kind of cops are you?

Officer: G.O.P.S sir.

Me: G.O.P.S?

Officer: The George Orwell Preservation Society.

Me: I, I can’t believe this. This is ridiculous? You can’t possibly have any authority. Whom is your superior officer?

Officer: Sir, I am again obligated to remind you of the precarious situation you find yourself in and must warn you that using such explicit language to officer will only incriminate you further.

Me: What language? I didn’t swear?

Officer: You used the improper pronoun “whom” when the correct pronoun should have been “who”. Whom is never the subject of a verb.

Me: AAAhhhh!!!

Officer: Sir, that should be Argh! Your overstating the anguish with the implicit abuse of the letter “A”, when you had already successfully asserted your frustrations with the conveyancing use of an exclamation point. In future you should refrain from writing anguish and instead describe your exerted torment……sir? Sir, please stop gesturing with your middle finger.