The Best And The Rest 145

Ugh.  I’ve seen the light.  I used to drink like anything when I was younger, specifically during college and my early Rx days.  I used to be able to go on board at 6am, straight from a throw-up-on-your-desk kind of inuman, and then be okay to drink again later that night.  But those days are looong gone.  Now it takes VERY special occassions to get me to drink.  Even my friends consider it a red-letter day when I drink again.  Alcohol was never my friend.  I just needed it as emotional lubricant.  I was a coward that way; I’d use getting drunk as my excuse to tsay how I really felt, especially when it came to love.  Ugh, how very college…

October 27, 2008 → The Top Ten Inuman Moments

1. His Cuteness – A large signboard says: “Alcohol kills slowly”. Nakita ng isang lasing, and he said, “So what? Sino ba ang nagmamadali?”

2. His Cuteness – One time, during an inuman session, napansin ko yung isa kong kainuman kain ng kain ng pulutan! Nainis ako kinantahan ko: “Ito ay hindi picnic, ito ay inuman”. (Chicogarcia: I remember mangling this entry! Apparently I got the melody wrong. It was supposed to be sung to the tune of “Pitong Gatang”.)

3. Leo – I was rushing to the toilet because I had a mouthful of vomit.  Ang problema, naubo ako…

4. Jose de vengenge – Two drunk guy friends. Guy1: “Pare, parang aylabyu…” Guy2: “Shut up pare! Don’t say it…just prove it…”

5. Jose de vengenge – Once in a bar, a drunk friend told a stranger: “Ampanget mo.” Stranger: “Look who’s talking!” Friend: “Di ko naman sinabi na maganda ako. Sabi ko lang, panget ka.”

6. No name – It’s only an alcohol problem when you run out of alcohol.

7. No name – Two men drinking in a bar. Man 1: “Pare may ipagtatapat ako sa yo. Naging syota ko nanay mo!” Man 2: Tama na yan, Dad, lasing ka na…”

8. Luxurious Chic – One time I was teaching my young nephews and nieces proper etiquette.  I served them milk and asked, “Okay, what do you say now?” One said, “Tagay!”

9. Specialist – We have a friend nicknamed “kung fu”, kasi whenever we have inuman, kung fumulutan akala mo dinner.

10. Randi – In my younger days, we used to call one kainuman as “Machete”. Everytime we get the bill at the end of the session, he freezes like a statue! And he stops talking until the bill has been paid. After the third time he did it, we kicked him out of the circle.

11. His Cuteness – Isang lasing nasalubong ang matabang babae na may kasamang aso. Lasing: “Hoy! Saan mo nakuha yang baboy?” Babae: “Tanga! Aso ito hindi baboy!” Lasing: “Huwag ka ngang sumabat! Yung aso ang kausap ko!”

12. Luxurious Chic – When a religious friend refused to join our inuman, another friend blurted out, “”Give strong drink to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish. Let them drink & remember their misery no more. PROVERBS 31:6-7.”

13. His Cuteness – One time I asked a gay kainuman a trick question: “Sabi ng pari ang mga bakla daw walang lugar sa langit?” He answered, “Keri lang. Dun na lang kami sa rainbow, mag slide slide kami ever.”

14. Marvin – (True story) A friend wanted everyone to believe him that he was a virgin. He said: “Brod, maniwala kayo. Di pa ako nakatikim ng babaeng tao.”

15. No name – I was so drunk I woke up in a motel w/ my uncle’s stepdaughter, who has 3 children. Until now I don’t remember how we got there. And worse, I didn’t have money, so she ended up paying for the room and treating me breakfast.

16. Astroboy – We know little about pain and regret, except that they are soluble in alcohol.

17. Abs – Drunk: “Miss, may nakapagsabi na ba sa yong napakaganda mo?” Girl: “Hihihi…wala pa naman…” Drunk: “Buti naman.”

18. The Game – 2 drunks were on their way home when they saw carabao dung. Drunk 1: “Pare, cake!” Drunk 2: “Pare pupu yan.” To settle the score, they decided to taste it. Drunk 1: “Pare pupu nga, buti na lang di natin naapakan…”

19. Astroboy – A drunk guy to the girl he likes: “Kung gagawa ak0 ng alak, ipapangalan k0sa iyo…malakas sumipa, pero sa pus0 ang tama!”

20. Do – When a nun couldn’t find anything to put the gasoline into when her car broke, she used a bedpan in her car. 2 drunks saw hr pourng gas fr d bdpan to dcar,1 said”pare pag umandar dyan,magkakatoliko na ako.

21. KiD BuKid – In Dubai, we had 2 barkadas, who’s having an LQ. In order to reconcile them, we locked them inside a room with a bottle of vodka. True enough, they reconciled, and after 9 months, out came their baby named ‘Stolichnaya’!

22. No name – Always listen to what a drunk person has to say, because drunken words are spoken by sober hearts.

23. Jose de vengenge – A depressed drunk guy friend was talking to his gay friend because his girlfriend left him. Guy: “Wala nang silbi ‘tong bird ko! Ipapakain ko nalang ‘to sa aso!” Gay: “Arf! Arf! Arf!”