The Best And The Rest 112

Hell means many things to many people.  The idea that hell is not one specific thing that appears the same to everyone, but instead tailor-fit to the individual crimes, is frighteningly sweet.  Sweet because your enemies will be punished according to their transgressions, frightening because so will you.

August 25, 2008 → The Top Ten Signs That You’re In Hell – Astroboy

1. Dru – People do a double take when they see your 36-C boobies…but you’re a man.

2. Your Highness – My friend, who met a vehicular accident while under heavy liquor intoxication, went through hell when he was operated on w/o anesthesia!

3. SC – During st0rmy days, having to go through floods, smelling of the w0nderful mix 0f garbage & rat pee.

4. Michael – Falling in love with a hopeless cheater.

5. Raymond – Giving office tours to several batches of school groups who aren’t interested in listening.

6. Richie Rich – When your husband falsely accused you of cheating and he intentionally emailed your naked photos to all your guy friends just to hurt you back.

7. Kresha – My cousin was in hell when her husband came home on payday and told her that he lost all his earnings in a cockfight instead of buying milk for the baby.

8. Dru – If you’re alone in your room, feeling very frisky, and the only magazine you have is Piggery Today.

9. Casbah – Quitting your job 3 days before your lifelong childhood crush joins your company, specifically the department you were heading.

10. Endemon – Having to go through 3 separations.  My mom split up with my dad when I was in grade school, she split up with my stepdad, the man she left my father for, and recently she split up with her 3rd “husband”.  Bad thing is, I actually loved all 3 “dads”.  And now I lost all of them.

11. Charles – Getting eczema on my “thing”.  Imagine the shame of having the doctors tell you, “You should wash this more often…”

12. Geneva – Having my dentures fall out during the high note in “How Do I Live”, as I performed in front of the entire university.  Imagine them falling at the part, “How do I ever, ever surviii…”

13. Egbert – Discovering after marriage that the woman you married is a major queefer.

14. Jarvis – 6 months ago, as I rushed inside my car because I was late for an impotant meeting, I ran over my beloved dog, killing her instantly, the very dog who’s been my closest companion for 12 tears now.

15. Lizbeth – My mom telling my crush that she works double time scrubbing my body odor from my shirts’ armpit areas.