The Avengers (1998) Jeremiah S. Chechik

Production Budget: $60 million Worldwide Gross: $25 million

Another bomb from 1998, another tv to movie effort, and another movie I saw originally in theaters.  I am a real loser at times.  I should preface this review stating I have not seen the original show (wasn’t really big in the US) so I have no idea how close or horribly this follows the original.

The movie is about two spies John Steed (Ralph Fiennes) and Emma Peel (Uma Thurman) who try to stop the evil August De Wynter (Sean Connery) from holding the world ransom with a weather changing machine.

This movie *sigh* this movie is just a mess.  I suppose one of the most infuriating things about this movie is it makes no freaking sense.  The fault of this lies with the fact the movie was originally 2 and a half hours and then cut down to 90 minutes for a theatrical release.  This is truly like Grindhouse, where full reels of film are left out and we cut into completely random crap.  The plot makes no goddamn sense, there are huge gaps in the plot, and sh*t just happens at times with no rhyme or reason.    I know I am bitching about the plot of The Avengers and actually arguing for a longer movie but as it is, the movie is spastic at best and at worst an embarrassment to the art of writing.

The humor is pretty one note.  Our characters run into bizarre sights like guys in bear suits, fighting grannies, and giant mechanical bugs (ugh, Wild Wild West flashbacks) and our characters give wry responses like “Oh great” in an exaggerated Brit ‘stiff upper lip’ droll manner.  Oh, and there’s puns and since its about the weather it’s a lot of weather puns like in Batman & Robin (ugh, I’m being reminded of  absolutely way wrong movies in this review).  That kind of stuff can be a tad interesting, but to base an entire movie around it, it gets dreadfully dull and groan inducing.

Speaking of one note, we get several veteran actors giving lackluster performances.  I actually feel bad for Fiennes, who probably thought this was his big leap into mainstream status (outside of flicks like The English Patient) and is really mugging for the camera.  I can’t really say it’s new that Sean Connery embarrasses himself since it’s almost a second career now.  But even here it’s not that entertaining as he just growls about ruling the world and says a lot of weather puns.  It’s like watching a Pacino movie where he doesn’t overact; it’s just not right.

The Avengers is just a waste of time.  Even from a screwball comedy or ‘so bad its good’ respect the movie even fails on that level.  There isn’t nearly enough as you would think to laugh at and it comes off as an embarrassing attempt at comedy than an earnest effort.  Stay far away from this movie and with that, I guess I’ll be seeing you at the next failed tv/movie bomb my friends.