Tell No One (2012)

Director: Ivan Silvestrini

Starring: Josafat Vagni, Monica Guerritore, Francesco Montanari

Matthia is about to move to Madrid to be with his boyfriend Eduard, so he won’t have to reveal to the family of being gay. Eduard, however, is convinced that their marriage has the blessing of all family members. On the day before Matthia leaves for Spain, Eduard announces his arrival in Rome to meet the in-laws. Matthia must now choose whether to finally come clean with his companion, or confess to being a formidable liar.

I have an issue with gay movies. And no, it has absolutely nothing to do with being gay; I mean hello-oo-oo! No, my issue lies with the fact most gay-themed movies are predictable and forgettable. There are the few exceptions, but honestly just a few.

‘Tell No One’ is not an exception. Chances are I’m going to forget this with the next gay-themed movie I watch, or even after the next few movies. If you’re into comedies, fine, I’m sure you’ll have a good time with ‘Tell No One’. Apart from being predictable, this film’s non-linear storytelling makes the film very confusing. As if that’s not enough, ‘Tell No One’ takes a detour before getting to its destination, and even so it feels it struggles to get to where it wants to be.

The film revolves around Matthia, who hasn’t told his parents yet that he is gay. His boyfriend Eduard, however, believes Matthia’s parents know. When Eduard plans to visit Matthia to meet his parents, Matthia goes in a flat spin, and him and his friends Aurora and Giancarlo resort to the most unconventional methods to stall the meeting.

‘Tell No One’ is as cheesy as they come, and not the best or most romantic gay story. Come to think of it, I didn’t even find Matthia a very likeable character. Yes, there are funny moments scattered throughout, but in general I didn’t find this a funny enough comedy.

In Italian.

Would I watch it again? No.