somethingsomething rhyming something

Well gorgeous lovely bloggofans. We’ve had a silly ol’ week. BOYS infected our brains and we had a megaspazzo and collapsed on a pile of mashed potato with gravy running out of our ears instead of ideas. WRITERS BLOCK. What with people feeling a bit shit about the general state of the world, we thought we’d cheer you all up. Rap it. Rhyme it. It might be our silliest daftest post yet. Sorry for lack of drawin’s but we’ll pay you double next week honest. x

CRUMPET:

For every boy from every year I thought I’d write about you here. From my first kiss in ’92 To that thing last week with you-know-who

So my first kiss – won’t say his name Was by the BIKE SHED – yeah. THE SHAME. Not even kidding. After school But he had braces – not too cool.

The snoggy times of teenage days Are jumbled up in hormone-haze But the few things I remember well Are good enough to have to tell

Like parties round at my friend Kate’s We’d drink White Lightning & stay up late I’d fancy ALL the boys and snog one or two There was even that one who puked on his shoe

That one who everyone REALLY liked Who came up to me in the park on his bike Was WELL happy when he picked me Out of ALL of the park. We kissed under a tree.

That boyfriend I had who I met one cold night He’d come down and visit and we’d get on alright We held hands all day and smooched and stuff But dumped him for a bit of rough

At art college I messed around With every indie boy I found That one with pink hair, the manics fan The short one and that ginger man

Now with the texts and the emails and tweets It’s more fun and well tricky to know who to meet But computers are fun and we do love a geek And we find us a new one to play with each week

From one night stands to long term things And summer love to short-lived flings Through heartbreak, tears and fun and games Don’t regret a thing or it wouldn’t be the same

I’ve not got a fella but think it’s alright I just meet lots of folks and play out every night Not quite time to relax or be settling down Too much to get done here in London town

One day I suppose I’ll find someone to be Just as silly and stupid and confused as me Till then it’s all fine and it aint a hard job Coz it gives me the stuff to write here on this blog. Innit.

PANDA:

So Crumpet said lets make a rhyme About the boys from yestertime

Like the one who popped my cherry for the sake of this we’ll call him Terry It was going quite smoothly, i was full of joy Till the fateful christmas he bought me a tweetie pie cat toy

Then i met a scottish man Not in Scotland in BIRMINGHAM All got together for an Auto Trader works do Danced at the disco snogged in the Loo

At 19 i met a boy who smelled of soap He didn’t own a belt so used a bit of rope I took him to a wedding and he danced with me Mam When i broke up with him (he called her up and asked her for coffee, she said no OBV and this dont rhyme but still….)

The man who’s fridge was covered in 70’s porn On top of his christmas tree Spider man did adorn He was an absolutely lovely nutcase and taught me all about Linda Lovelace

The one who called my boyfriend a wanker Then drove to my house absolutely Tanker(ed) We had a good few weeks of fun But he was a trendy i was into grunge

Or the one that i shall call Ted Who fed the horse so hard i fell off the bed He’d never been with a girl before Straight after that i showed him the door

So these are some of the ones I’ve not mentioned before Unfortunately none of them i did adore I was never like, Oh you’re facking tops I’ll spend a small fortune shipping you coco pops

It was all fun though and no regrets Because they’ve all led me to the man I haven’t yet met.