So, EMPIRE is Back

Alright. Let’s just get this out of the way now. I am not a big fan of Empire. (I know that makes me an alien or Satan’s niece, but it is what it is.) I do, however, watch the show. I don’t run home to make sure I catch it, though. I don’t kick furniture when I miss it. I’m not sad when I fall asleep at 9:12 and wake up at 9:40 like, “What I miss?” But I’m happy that a show with a predominantly African-American cast has this amount of success. This lends the opportunity for more of our shows to land a spot on the air.

I must also point out that I don’t watch it because I want to tear it apart. Being a writer, I understand artistry and sensitivity when it comes to our work. I watch Empire because I hope each week that the show will give me what I’ve been wanting from it all along: better pacing and just a tad bit more hole-filling. I see sooooo much potential in the storylines, but just as soon as said storylines are presented, *POOF* they’re gone. And I’m all…

I feel like I’m in a relationship with a man who luhs God, has a good job, great credit, no babymama drama, and a heart of gold; but the sex is lackluster. …like I know people who went to college with him and told me he was the shit and how all the girls sweated him. …like I sneaked a peek at his phone and saw texts from broads begging him to pay them a 1 a.m. visit. …like I saw him dance at the club and thought, “Oh, he will give me the BUSINESS!” But when I tested the water, I was like…LIES!

So I keep trying and trying because he’s a great man and has everything else I want. I keep hoping our chemistry gets better, hoping he’ll surprise me with a better stroke or a new trick. Sum’n. Nope. That’s what Empire is to me: the boo who would be perfect if he didn’t give me almost-doesn’t-count sex.

I digress.

Last night was the season premiere.

Chris Rock was surprisingly believable to me in his dramatic role. I believed him in his “tough-guy” role more than I’ve ever believed Terrence Howard as cutthroat Lucious. (The quivering voice and slow-ish speaking throws me off every time.) But why couldn’t we see their interaction over a few episodes? At least two? The cameos are great, but I feel like all these celebrities are being thrown in just for the sake of saying So-n’-So was on Empire. Give them a purpose. Make it mean something. Chris Rock’s character had a major role in the storyline. Cookie snitched on him. You throw him in one episode? One?

Let’s face it. Black Hollywood, though growing, isn’t very large. If Lee Daniels keeps throwing five new celebs in each episode, what’s he gonna do when it’s time for Season 3? Okay, okay. Realistically, he could probably make it to Season 4. Still.

The highlight of the episode for me was when Cookie told Boo Boo Kitty that she couldn’t even dike right. I actually let out a holler. The rest? Meh. I wasn’t like, “Ooooooh…” when Jamal kicked his mother and brothers out of Lucious’ house. All I had for that moment was a scrunch face. I need more reasons for him to be so loyal to the man who threw him in the trashcan when he was little and still talked slick about his sexual preference throughout Season 1. Oh, and who may have fathered the gorgeous little girl that Olivia tried to pass off as Jamal’s. It was just… I don’t know. Maybe I need to work on my ability to forgive.

Sigh… Last night, I saw so much that I didn’t need to see and not enough of what I wanted to see. I was left in the bed once again, waiting for fireworks that never occurred.  Nevertheless, I have a date with Lackluster Potential Boo (LPB) a.k.a. Empire next Wednesday at 9. We’ll try this again. Why? Maybe because I’m a hopeless romantic. Maybe I’m stupid. Or maybe because at the end of the day, that damn Cookie is still a baaaad bitch.

Check out Empire Wednesdays at 9 pm EST

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