Receiving Criticism

No one likes criticism. Criticism usually comes when we don’t need it, from people who we think are not qualified to give it, and in a way that we think it not helpful.

To criticize simply means “sto indicate the fault of someone in a disapproving way.”  Thus, criticism can be done positively or negatively (or sinfully). Unfortunately, righteous criticism is not usually our problem. Sinful criticism is.

How should we receive criticism? A wrong response to criticism can invite bitterness or unforgiveness or backbiting or judging someone’s motives or revenge or, as Joel Beeke says, “binocularizing” the faults of others and making them bigger than they really are and then turning the binoculars around and make ours much smaller than they really are.

Beeke, who teaches homiletics and theology at Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary in Michigan, has written extensively about criticism. I want to share with you some of his 11 solutions on how we should respond to criticism.

1. Know that criticism is inevitable. All of us know criticism exists and all of us know it is coming. The more you talk or do, the more likely you are to be criticized.

2. Consider the source of the criticism. Is the person giving criticism a wise Christian? A mature leader in the church? An un-informed person? A gossiper? Someone who doesn’t know you at all? How significant is that person’s reputation? We are more likely to listen to those that know us well and have our best interest “at heart” than the person we just met.

1. Ask for time to pray about it. Thank them for their criticism and tell the person you would like to consider it before reacting to it. Prayer gives time to “mull it over” and choose your responsive words more carefully. Instead of reacting, we will have the opportunity to act upon the criticism.

2. Remind yourself that criticism can bring about good things. Romans 8:28 says all things work together for good. All criticism can work together for your change, your opportunity to have a healthy, follow-up conversation with the person, learning something you didn’t know, etc.

3. Remind yourself that being an object of criticism is Christlike. “²¹ For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. ²² He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. ²³ When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly” (I Peter 2:21-23). Being criticized puts you in good company.

4. When you pray, examine yourself. Most critics are partially right in their criticism. It could very well be that there is something that needs to change, or you need to be aware of.

5. If you believe the criticism is unfair, respond graciously. Don’t say, “You got it all wrong.” Say something like, “I appreciate that you love me enough to point something out for me to consider. I have thought long and hard about your concerns and prayed about how to respond. And I want to explain something that you might not understand.”

6. Once you have responded to the criticism, move on. Don’t labor over the criticism. And don’t treat the critic as if they are always looking to criticize you. The goal in receiving criticism is to be constructive, learn from it, and move on.

7. Welcome criticism. We shouldn’t welcome sinful criticism, but we should be approachable and humble for others to feel comfortable sharing their concerns. Solomon reminds us, “Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning” (Prov 9:8-9). Don’t be defensive, be thankful and you will be a welcoming person for criticism.