Piranha 3DD (2012)

Director: John Gulager

Starring: Danielle Panabaker, Matt Bush, Jean-Luc Bilodeau, Chris Zylka

After the events at Lake Victoria, the pre-historic school of blood-thirsty piranhas make their way into a newly opened waterpark.

Oh, hell no, what have they done???!!! Already from the movie poster, I predicted it was going to be bad; I just didn’t think it could possibly be THIS bad! Please rather stop this franchise!

The film follows directly on ‘Piranha 3D’ (which, by the way, was the most enjoyable entry in the franchise). I don’t even know where to begin with how atrocious this film was!! Bad acting, bad dialogue, bad script – I mean SERIOUSLY BAD!!! What the hell were they thinking!! Even if intended as a spoof similar to the ‘Scary Movie’ films – which I believe it was – it is cringe worthy bad on every level. When I saw the scene mimicking ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’ I just knew it had to be a spoof.

‘Piranha 3DD’ is one of the most shallow movies I’ve seen in a while. There was also even more female nudity than ‘Piranha 3D’. This honestly looks like a soft porn movie. They concentrated more on sex and female nudity than story, with close-ups of boobs, nipples and ass! They also use every possible excuse to get their characters in the water – with little to no suspense, I might add.

The visual effects are also much worse than its predecessor. The worst part about the film by far was the writing. So, there’s a girl who had a Piranha INSIDE her for more than a day!!!??? What the fu*k!!! How did the fish not eat her already? The thing only came out when she had sex!!!!!! And that awful dialogue!! Are you absolutely sure this was done by industry professionals?

Oh, and then there was David Hasselhoff. Oh, my goodness! Starring as himself and naming almost every movie he did, and off course all that reference to ‘Baywatch’. His role was pure vanity. Hasselhoff with his dyed hair and Botox! This film was one big joke! It makes ‘Sharknado’ look like a masterpiece. It honestly was unwatchable. Please let me forget this!!!

Would I watch it again? Are you serious????