On the Inadvertent History Lesson of “Yellowbeard” (1983)

January 8 was the birthday of the late gonzo British comedian Graham Chapman (1941-1989). For many, Chapman was their favorite member of the Monty Python troupe, though sadly he was the first to die — so long ago now! Cancer was the cause. It started with his tonsils, of all places (he was a pipe smoker, as any Python fan knows) and then spread to his spine! How awful. Ironically, Cambridge educated Chapman came close to being a doctor himself, but comedy won out. Contrary to the prescriptions of Reader’s Digest, laughter is not always the best medicine. If you’re younger than sixty, you’ll just have to wonder what I meant by that.

Chapman’s pre-Python career was short (and it featured some of his future collaborators), as was his post Python career, so I thought I’d focus on his one big solo project, his much maligned 1983 film comedy Yellowbeard. Yellowbeard was a box office flop, and the word that most often comes up in association with it is “bad”. It came out the same year as Monty Python’s Meaning of Life, just three months later, and it suffers by comparison. I remember scorning it at the time as being “dumb”. I mean, its title is a urine joke. One had high hopes because of its historical settings but (though it is most assuredly Rabelaisian), it’s not clever or dazzling, as in the films of the Two Terrys (Gilliam and Jones). Nor was it co-written by Chapman’s traditional writing partner John Cleese. Instead, it was penned by Chapman and his significant other David Sherlock, along with Peter Cook, and Bernard McKenna, who had previously cowritten projects with Cook, along with Chapman’s previous solo vehicle The Odd Job Man (1978). The whole thing had been cooked up on a drunken spree by Chapman, Cook, Keith Moon, and Sam Peckinpah of all people.

Peckinpah died the following year. He was ailing and alienated by the time Yellowbeard went into production, but he would have brought the wrong touch entirely, so we don’t miss him, but we definitely miss the presence of a sure-handed comedy director, anybody better than TV director Mel Damski, whose first film this was. It’s an especial shame since this is one of the greatest comedy casts ever assembled. No exaggeration! Not just Chapman and Cook, and Python pals John Cleese and Eric Idle, but also Cheech and Chong, Madeline Kahn, Marty Feldman (whom Chapman had written for early in his career), Spike Milligan, and Kenneth Mars, and also prestige people like James Mason, Susannah York, Peter Bull (Tom Jones, Dr. Strangelove), Bernard Fox, and Sir Michael Hordern. With a cameo by David Bowie (who shared a birthday with Chapman, btw!)

Only a couple of casting regrets. To replace Moon, who died in 1979, Peter Boyle was hired. Now, I don’t want to give the impression that I hate Peter Boyle (having just criticized his casting in Young Frankenstein), but I really don’t get why he is in these ensemble comedies. He was a perfectly terrific actor, but sort of subdued, sort of “real”. Do people find him hilarious? I think he’s fine, but, ya know, as a hard hat, a taxi driver. I’m confounded by the impulse to have him do broad comedy in a pirate movie. Whereas Moon was no thespian, but, man, what a lost opportunity. This would have easily been his best, and best-known screen role. He might have brought some magic to it. Another weak link is Martin Hewett (best known as the kid in Endless Love with Brooke Shields) in the central role of the protagonist, which is basically a kind of black hole at the heart of the film. Reportedly the producers wanted him to help sell tickets to American mouth-breathers. Previously Adam Ant was to have played the role, which would have brought some of that pirate/punk energy, but then he left the project and was replaced by Sting, who also dropped out. And then Hewett, who’s just blah. Who would I cast? Just had a brain wave! Dudley Moore! Then you’ve got a Cook and Moore reunion! I’m guessing it was never even discussed. At that time, Moore was in the rom-cam phase that was kicked off with the monster hit Arthur (1981). No doubt he wanted nothing to do with a silly spoof like this, his last, Wholly Moses (1980) having been another flop, and his last film with Cook, Paul Morrisey’s The Hound of the Baskervilles (1978) having been a floppier flop.

As we say, Gilliam or Jones would have taken this thing in hand, and made a history comedy what was a history comedy. But that’s not the history I’m talking about in the title. I’m talking about this legendary cast, all in one place, and for so many of them, for the last time. This was the final film for Marty Feldman (who died during shooting), Spike Milligan, and Peter Bull, the last starring part in a feature for Chapman, and one of the very last films of James Mason. Cheech and Chong would go on to make one more failed historical spoof The Corsican Brothers (1984), and then they broke up as a team. Throw in the deaths of Moon and Peckinpah, and man is there a lot of death surrounding this movie. Could it be….the Pirate’s CURSE?

If so, 20 years later the curse would be lifted with a certain Disney movie directed by Gore Verbinski.