Nomad: The Warrior (2007) Ivan Passer, Sergei Bodrov, Talgat Temenov

Production Budget: $40 million Gross: $79,000

First off, look at the goddamn DVD box cover.  Look familiar?  I wonder what movie they are trying to emulate with that box cover.  Hmmmmm 300?  Nah, that can’t be it.  My money is on Cinderella Man.  Now from a cover like this you may be expecting Z grade action exploitation trash.  But oddly enough this was probably the biggest Khazakhstan movie production and their entry into the 79th Academy Awards for Best Foreign Picture.  It wasn’t picked of course, because it sucked.  But this is just to illustrate the point this is not some cheap trashy movie.

The movie started production in 2004, but due to financial and weather problems was shut down halfway through.  The Weinstein Company (in their infinite wisdom) bought up the rights, added action scenes, completed the love story subplot, and also finished the English dub of the movie in 2006.  Critics panned the movie, especially the rather sh*tty subtitles present on the early release.

The story is set in 18th century Khazakstan.  Since the death of Genghis Khan, the tribes have scattered and have warred against one another.  One has become especially brutal and bloody.  There is a legend that a newborn will rise up, unite the tribes, and destroy the evil warlord.  The warlord tries to kill the newborn, but he is hidden away by a wise man until the time where he is needed most.

Is it any good?  To give Nomad just a smidge of credit, you do see the money on the screen.  There are some big army scenes and they do not use any CGI.  Some of the action scenes are fairly decent  You also get a musical score that is actually pretty good.  The biggest problem is with the story.  Does it sound familiar?  Exodus?  Star Wars?  Any one of a thousand of movies and books in between which Joseph Campbell would highlight as the Power of Myth.  This story is bland, it has been done a million times before, these directors don’t do anything new with it, and the “legend” undercuts all the tension in the movie.  Seriously, when you make this kid protected by God to be the Khazak version of the Kwisatz Haderach then where is the tension he will die or lose?  The acting from Kuno Becker (who was also a mythical God child in Goal! The Dream Begins) and Jay Hernandez is also bland.  Although it is nice to see Chairman Kaga from Iron Chef America (Mark Dacascos) kick some ass.  Allez Cuisine bitches!

There is nothing inspired about this movie though.  It is a stale and lifeless historical epic.  It is not horrible, but it is uninspired, average, and frankly dull.  Nothing stands out as new or good.  I do not recommend this movie at all.