No breaking bad here, just bring it on.

I’ve been wondering lately whether or not I should sort of chronicle this whole cancer experience thing.  I know I’ve written a couple of blog entries, but maybe I should write more.  Maybe I should write more about how I am feeling each day, kind of a written legacy since I really don’t know how much time I have left.

I realize none of us know how much time is left in our lives, it just seems like now I’ve been given a time limit.  The surgeon who removed part of my colon had no hesitation in his voice when he called me with the news that my cancer was Stage 3B and that translates to a 50/50 chance of surviving five years based on known data.  On the other hand, my oncologist reminded me that if I am in that “lucky” 50%, then I have a 100% chance of living longer than five years.  Sort of a half empty versus half full way of thinking I suppose.  There really is no way of knowing which half I am in.

Not going to work these past few weeks has given me much time think about a lot of things.  Too much time for that really.  On one hand I think about the time I now have to work on some photo projects, albeit close to home projects.  Doesn’t appear I will be able to do any traveling any time soon for any exotic photos opps.  I have managed to work on editing and organizing some of the thousands of images I have scattered over several hard drives and a couple different computers.

Right now I am in a kind of limbo, ie, in between surgery and the beginning of chemotherapy.  I’ve pretty much recovered from the effects of the surgery, although my incision is not yet completely healed due to a slight infection at the wound site.  I have to pack it and unpack it every day for 4 to 6 weeks, it’s been two weeks.  The condition of this wound will determine when the chemo starts at the discretion of my oncologist.  I’m certainly not looking forward to six months of infusions and all the possible heinous side effects it brings, but I am anxious to get on with the process.  The longer I wait the more chance the cancer will grow or move somewhere else.

As for as my attitude is concerned, it depends on the day.  The last couple of days I’ve been somewhat down, not feeling particularly positive.  I can’t believe that beginning chemotherapy will improve on that, so I must pull up my bootstraps before that begins.  It’s been suggested I request an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety prescription from my primary doctor.  I haven’t decided if that’s a route I wish to take.

I have been getting a lot of advice from well-meaning friends and acquaintances, mostly passed on to Loretta from work.  I get it all and I appreciate most of it.  I’ve even gotten several invitations to attend some churches where they want to “lay hands on me”.  One person as gone so far as to say, “I guarantee that this will heal him completely…rid him of the cancer”.  I won’t be accepting that invitation and I’ve gone so far as to suggest that statements like that are not only outrageous, they are dangerous.  I’ll take my chances with the medical route and the chemicals designed to inhibit growth and kill the cancer, thank you.  Dancing with poisonous snakes and speaking in tongues won’t happen around me either!

I appreciate the prayers, to whatever deity they are presented.  It couldn’t hurt.

I am serious about various de-tox methods.  My oncologist does suggest eating natural, fresh foods could aid in this process.  I believe that one doesn’t require a de-tox if one is always following this sort of regime.  Bring on the fresh fruit and veggies, with one caveat…make sure they are washed thoroughly as there is a bigger chance of infection from bacteria while undergoing chemo.

As of today, I am scheduled to start chemotherapy on Monday, October 3rd.  Let’s get this train moving.

Regarding my demeanor on this day…I’ve had better days.  The past few days watching Breaking Bad (for the first time) from the first season may not be helping matters at this point.  However, my insurance seems to be adequate without any fringe financial enhancements…so far.  Great show, though!  I’m halfway through season two.