My Reaction To Alien: Isolation.

It’s highly recommended that you supplement your interactions with snack food, drawn curtains and beer. This article has also been fortified with manly screams.

 OK, where the hell am I supposed to go? Ahhh! Stupid light!

Dark hallway, partitions scattered everywhere, Oh and a dead body. This looks inviting…….whats that noise? I hear clattering……Ahhhh!

Right so I just need to sneak past these guys. I’ll hide behind that replica spaceship, slip in behind when her back is turned. Distract the other guard with the torch, manoeuvre round to the adjacent ventilation shaft and go in through *Bang*. Ahhhh…damn it!

Fine; I’ll simply remain concealed behind the stairs, wait for the guard to inspect the area, when his back is turned I’ll… There he is! How did you see me? I was hidden?! I was hidden! I was….*Bang* Ahhhh….crap.

*Rubs temples*…….How did they see me? Have they got tracking devices or something?! *Deep breath* So if I go…..*Bang* Ahhhh……..stupid game!

I wish it wouldn’t keep using cheap scares to incite terror, it’s so clichéd. Most of us have become desensitized by these inert provocations now that it….AHHHH! CRAP! It’s seen me. Run. Run. Run. Run quicker! No not into a toppled container you idiot! Through there…..Ahhh!

This game is stupid. The environment is stupid. The fact that you haven’t picked up the gun and shot yourself in the face is stupid. I can’t get past this stupid room without getti…..Ahhh!…….Not again! *Begins weeping*

Stay away from me working Joe, your creepy. Slow though. Ha, missed me. And again. God this is easy. It’s just a series of methodical movements, awareness of their leisurely pace and Ahhh!

OK, we are doing well Karl. Let’s just keep going, peer round the corner…….good, nothing. Hmm? Seems safe enough, as far as dark, vapid corridors go anyway. Still no sign of the her yet……..wait…..*blip……..blip………blip*. Quick, quick!  Hide under the bed. No wait that’s stupid. Behind those giant metallic cylinders. *Blip…blip…blip*. Stop breathing so heavy! *Blip.blip.blip.blip* Oh crap I think she’s found me……..Ahhh!

Karl get up! We’ve got to go and meet my parents.

AHHHHHHHH!