My First Crush

Panda’s First Crush:

Crumpet said we should write about our first crush……This proves somewhat difficult for me because I’ve been falling happlessly in love since i was about 5. So I’ll gather together those first few for your reading enjoyment and so you can see I’ve always been a bit of a love twat.

Aged five i had my tonsils out i remember getting home and me Mum giving me a card the class had made well this one boy Tony had signed his Love from Tony. No one else had OH MY GOD my five year old self thought, Tony loves me and right there and then i experienced my first butterflys and by golly did i love Tone back.

Aged six was with a boy called Ben, i loved Ben i remember loving him. Yes he was into football and i wasn’t but hey the path of true loves never easy is it. We were gonna get married his friend Alex was gonna be best man but then he dropped this bomb shell…….Our honeymoon, he was gonna take me to see the world cup. I was devasted that insensitive pig of a six year old boy. I called it off, i was heartbroken.

Never fret though because aged seven i fell madly in love with Mr Davidson my first ever male teacher. So much so that one day during class i found this little knife in my pencil case. Remember those foil art scrapey picture thingys (friggin loved em) well it was from that. Christ knows what possessed me to carry it around with me, its not like we lived in the hood or anything. But there it was, i began to sharpen my pencil with it, it slipped, and my finger bled. Mr Davidson took me down to the medical bit (first aid box on the wall) and very tenderly put a plaster on it, whilst i gazed at his big brown eyes and manly moustach. I still have the scar on my finger, and a little bit O love in my heart for that kind sexy tashed teacher.

For the rest of my Primary school life i was madly obsessed with D.A.R.R.Y.L you know the boy robot. Couldn’t get enough of him, then one Sunday night i was sitting eating me egg sandwiches watching Jim’ll fix it and this deaf boy came on cant even remember what his fix it wish was. But he reminded me of Darryl and Bam i loved him………..Gosh if only i had the internet back then, i would of stalked and tracked that little deaf boy and made him mine….and Wuvved him and wuvved him forever and ever. Ahhh little Glen Close in the making i was, I’ve done meself proud.

Crumpet’s First Crush:

By the time we got to High School, we’d all started fancying boys and stopped talking about how yucky they were and got more excited by how lovely their hair was and how sparkley their eyes were and whatnot. By the age of 11, the main boys I fancied were the drummer from Let Loose (NOT a ‘shit boyband’ by the way because THEY PLAYED GUITARS) and Sean McGuire because my friend Lucy said he was gorgeous.

For most of year 7 & 8, there was a birthday party disco almost every weekend at this grotty function room hire hall type place. You know where I mean. Off that dual carriageway by that takeaway place. Yeah so anyway. You’d go, dance, point at whoeever had the cutest Ben Sherman shirt and stand around hoping and waiting for them to ask you to dance. Obviously this sort of dancing was non-eye-contact, hands on shoulder or waist, shuffling awkwardly side to side dancing. WE LOVED IT and it was BRILLIANT.

So that song from Aladdin would come on, or the Dirty Dancing song, or Boys 2 Men, and you’d do the sideways shuffle and that was that. I had (still have) a tally in the back of my diary of who I had danced with how many times. I hadn’t even ever snogged anyone by this point but dancing was where it was at.

AND THEN one time J asked me to dance. I’d never even really spoken to J because he wasn’t in my form and unlike 87% of the school hadn’t been to my primary school. He was mysterious and NEW and when he asked me to dance to that Dirty Dancing song (you know. That Time of my life one) my heart was beating MEGAFAST. We even did Eye Contact which was bloody exciting. And that was that. End of party, go home, add him to the diary tally, add 1 tick next to his name.

The next day us Crumpet family all went to friends for lunch and tea and playing in the forest and so on. I couldn’t play! I couldn’t frolick! I couldn’t even eat CAKE! All I could do was sit on my friend’s swing staring straight forward rocking slowly backwards and forwards reliving every minute detail of Dancing With J. I felt sick. I felt excited. I couldn’t concentrate on ANYTHYING.

And then I thought OMG. THIS IS WHAT FANCYING SOMEONE IS. I LOVE HIM. And I went home and wrote his initials in little hearts on the cover of ALL OF MY SCHOOL BOOKS. And he became my Proper High School Crush till pretty much the day we left. And after. And now. But he’s married now innit. Hrumph.