Moose Turns Four

You guys, the Moose is Four now.

That’s a picture after we finally got done decorating at midnight and I even ordered him one of those ridiculous $10 number balloons because YOLO AND WE’RE PROBABLY ALL GONNA DIE SOON THANKS TO NUCLEAR WAR but mostly because I am a sucker parent who wants their child to lose their mind over balloons and I was praying that Halle Berry wouldn’t attack them in her usual 4am berzerker high-energy time and here we are.  It’s the dawn of Linus’ 4th birthday, like quite literally it’s 6:00a, and he’s pissed because I’m there with a camera at the end of the hall and he refuses to leave his room, screaming at me to go away and he doesn’t care about his birthday or the decorations or fun and he just hates everything and everyone.

FOUR YEARS OLD DOES NOT SOUND ANY BETTER THAN THREE AT THIS POINT I WON’T LIE.

Eventually, sweet Peter was able to coax him out and we finally got that Birthday Mojo going.

First things first: we drove down the street to the doughnut shop and took pictures in front of the doughnut ambulance.  Which was essentially the highlight of the day for him.

We got birthday doughnuts in the shape of Cookie Monster, which seemed totally appropriate given that I myself had a Cookie Monster birthday around that age (except, according to my mom, everyone who attended my birthday party had green pee afterwards, thanks food coloring, we had the same problem not to overshare or anything…).

ANYWAY BIRTHDAY DOUGHNUTS WHAT UP.

We knew it was gonna be a busy day so we let him open all the presents after doughnuts.

After breakfast the rain started in earnest, so… so much for the plans to take him to his favorite pumpkin patch. Instead he said he wanted to “snuggle in mommy and daddy’s bed” which is a.k.a. YouTube Time.  So I dutifully crawled into bed with him, set up some YouTube Kids, and into the microphone he happily belted out “YouTube Birthday Videos!!!”. Which translated as the following…

Whoops.

Linus also had calls over all the meals for the day, so not only were there doughnuts for breakfast but also his favorite lunch (Giada Di Laurerntiis’ Parmesan and Butter Stars). And his favorite pizza joint later for dinner.

I won’t lie, I kinda bought that expensive number balloon for the photo op, but once again my offspring showed me humility by not in any way cooperating when it came to photo time.

Yeah.

This kid (aside from a love of butter and all things cheese) loves his mustard, so when presented with his choice of birthday options (Children’s Museum! Bounce House place! Indoor sports emporium!) indignantly decided on the National Mustard Museum. So off we went, fine okay kid, and he had a blast.

Can’t leave without purchasing a mustard or two…

After that we went to his favorite pizza place. The pizza is okay but the kid’s playroom is the real draw.  He stood on a chair in front of BurgerTime for a good 30 minutes.

Peter too is all about the play area.

Then we went home for some birthday cake.  Linus, if you are not aware, is super obsessed with emergency vehicles.  What they do! Where they go!  WHAT HAPPENED, these are what he’s concerned about.  For his birthday I should have bought him a scanner, is what I’m saying. But!  I did not, although I occasionally allow him to listen in online on the Middleton police scanner…

So anyway, he had an accident/emergency themed birthday. We hung pictures of car accidents all over the walls, and made him a very special cake.

Frosting flames are delicious.

Aaaand: there you go.  He came, he saw, he conquered. And now he’s Four and big and I just can’t handle it. I guess it’s time for another baby because I NO LONGER HAVE A BABY IN MY HOUSE AND THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE*.

*Not according to Linus, he tells me several times a day that HE IS MY BABY, FOREVER, SO STOP SAYING HE’S GETTING BIG OR THAT HE’S A BIG BOY BECAUSE NO HE IS MAMA’S BABY.  BYE.  Also me and the “baby” stage do not mix so well so I think it’s all for the best, even though Scott is a BABY WHISPERER AND BABY LOVER.

So I guess, mostly: I’m sorry, Scott. No to the babies just NOPE.

So yeah!  Bye, y’all.  Another update coming up on ya shortly I PROMISE.