Live For Today.

Let me first preface this by saying that I love my family. Without the continued support of my partner and the perennial exuberance of my daughter, I’d probably still be living with my mother, isolated from the world like the reclusive misanthrope that I’m inclined to be. Despite this general contempt for humanity, my family mitigates these manifestations with their radiant disposition and indelible philanthropy. Having said that, maintaining sustained period of domestic bliss with individuals whose personalities are often the complete inverse of my own, requires a patient balance of give and take, that is often more take than give. You do yearn for those days of intended solidarity, despite knowing that being alone at time’s bleeds into lonliness. So when my partner arranged for a holiday I ultimately was unable to attend, I took full advantage.

Work remains an institution for mental volatility, exacerbated by the conceited inmates that operate in this particular prison. The reprieve of finishing my shift and returning home to my family used to mitigate the emotional desolation I accrued, but as of late that sense comfort has been diminished by the increased provocations of my job. Though I’m not going to bore you with the banal details, suffice to say the resulting aggravations has only further hastened an already lingering despondency. So any excuse to vacate such a hostile environment, even briefly is a luxury I dare not turn down. Knowing my family would be vacationing for just under a week, I decided not abuse the little holiday time afforded to me for my own selfish desires, instead choosing to reserve the final 2 days of their excursion. And it was wonderful!

Those 2 days was some of the most liberating autonomy I’ve experienced since I left school. You have to understand that even though I’m very reclusive by nature, I have always lived with someone. Whether it was my mother and sister growing up, or the decade long cohabitation with my partner. Being permitted such uninhibited perogative to organise the day without comprimise, is a privilege rarely afforded.

There was no plan. No domestic obligations. No artinery to follow. Just the potential for spontaneity, supplemented by foods generally prohibited in my household. A 48 hour interlude to just meander, permits an escape from the stress of reality I most certainly needed. Indulging in the usual comforts their absence can bring, such as: sleeping in the middle of the bed. Defecating with the toilet door open. Sheding my constraining garments just so I can saunter around my home without judgment. Play games. Cook food. Or relax on the bed, pondering the deep philosophical questions of our existence. Anything that wasn’t regulated by the whims of others.

When I ventured out, there wasn’t any specific destination nor purpose. Just a benign ramble simply because I could. The freedom I revelled in wasting, was not time wasted. I doubt there was anyone in my immediate post code as contented as I was. I doubt Bob Ross has ever been that serene! People take for granted just how liberating time to yourself is. As much as those that don’t fully appreciate just what they have. Fortunately that isn’t me. As much as I cherished that time to myself, to indulge in my own selfish endeavours, I value my family more. Live for today or fade away.