Life in a Texas school….coming soon to a theater near you.

Just a bit from a new movie coming out…:

*Green screen showing the MPAA has rated the film “G” for scenes of beautiful violence, gun pornography, and titillating clothing on female teachers [who all look like 23-yr old Cosmo models….]

NARRATOR (with a deep voice): “In Texas, kindergarten is like the ocean…never turn your back on it for more than three seconds…now, from Go-Pee Productions, directed by Harlon Carter…coming soon to a theater near you…”

*cut to Nathan B. Forrest K-8* [‘Murican patriotic country music twanging as the camera goes inside the building…]

Mrs. Smith: “First row, I want suppressing fire down the 3rd Grade Hall. Second row, you’re with me. Third row…no, Joey, we’ll do show-and-tell later…anyone peeks their heads out from the administrative corridor, no more than three-round bursts.”

*scene of kids scrambling to follow orders*

Mrs. Jones: *finger to lips* “Quiet boys and girls. This is why we’ve been discussing ambushes.” *cut to little girl with a hand raised, AR-15 in her lap* “No one pops up until at least one third of Mrs. Smith’s…Tina, we covered fractions last week…one third of 21 is seven…when seven of Mrs. Smith’s kids have passed, then Timmy’s fireteam…you remember that because we discussed it last month in Tactics Hour…will spring from the boys bathroom while Lena and her spotter provide a crossfire from Mr. Aberjack’s janitorial closet.” *girl lowers hand*

*scene of room to room combat…it may be Nathan B. Forrest school, it could be Stalingrad (1993) or the conclusion of Saving Private Ryan (1998), too.*

*Cut to Jr High Teacher’s Lounge, curiously looking like the Fuehrerbunker from Downfall (2004)

Mr. Harris: *pointing at floor plan* “We cannot let the grade school principal convince Der Fuehr…Dr. Schmeiling, that they need these two rooms for grade school expansion. We need room.

Ms. Rutencroche: *nodding* “We do not need those rodents interfering with our classes. We must have room and they won’t let us send them across the district line back to Hooville!”

Mr. Harris: *looks at camera* “That leaves one solution. Blitzkrieg.

*scene of Junior High kids mowing down 4th-6th graders…Peckinpaugh-level slo-motion violence

*cut to grade school principal’s office*

Principal Strawman: *looking sternly at a 2nd grader* “Henry, you know we have a dress code. It’s Thursday. Today is Urban Camouflage day. What is that? *cut to kid wearing a Captain America t-shirt and khaki shorts and tennis shoes* You’re not even wearing combat boots for God’s sake!” *kid begins crying* “Davey, until you wear the day’s proper camouflage, you do not get ANY hallway live-fire shooting range privileges.”

NARRATOR: “The forge of fire…the brotherhood of combat…the struggle to be first in line for lunch pizza…”

*Peckinpaugh violence as kids realize there’s a Student Council bake sale with chocolate-chip cookies and a four-person 3rd grade fireteam takes out a dozen 5th graders just about to purchase the cookies.*

*Cut to the superintendent’s office*

Dr. Poofin, (on the phone to the State Board of Education): “Yes, yes, our metrics are outstanding. We’ve got 20% shots on target with our grade schoolers and we’ve upped our kill rate to 36% once you remove bystanders and police unintentionally shot. We should be able to fully promote 100% of survivors to Junior High this may.”

*Final Preview cut to an 8th grader*

Those who run are liberals! Those who don’t run are well-disciplined liberals! Yeah, git some! Git some!

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gtFcnluNOHU/UzYd68nimII/AAAAAAAAHh4/T0HPabuptwA/s1600/Downfall.jpg (8th Hour Pep Rally to support the football team against Rooskie Intermediate)

Dr. Poofin meets the 2nd Grade Teachers during In-Service Day

This moving scene of Dr. Poofin with the Nathan B Forrest Weisssaengers was cut due to inappropriate language for Texas (ie. Spanish….):