Leadership and Coaching: Using proper pronouns

Pronouns are small words–we, they, she, he. We know the context most of the time–so no problem, but I think sometimes our choice of pronouns matters more than we realize–in terms of team building and how coaches and players think about the team.

Where I’ve noticed this happening a ton: When I work with assistant coaches. What I’ve found is that assistant coaches, when it is time for a decision, talk to the head coach and say ‘you’ or ‘your team’–they don’t think in terms of ‘we’ or ‘our’ automatically. Likewise, I’ve seen an assistant coach refer to herself with “I think we should be doing ______” when talking to players–making it look like her preference is in opposition to the head coach. Do you see that? It’s subtle. It leaves players to ask if the head coach feels the same way–or if the assistant actively dislikes the choice of drill/activity.

‘We’ is *inclusive*. It suggests everyone’s in it all together. We’ve got to get better with our passing; we have to make better choices with our offense. See? Yes, setting choices are likely a specific 1-2 people, but by saying ‘we’, they do not get singled out–ditto passers, etc.

Or look at it a different way…how many times do you refer to the team you are coach of as ‘my team’–when you have a couple assistants and 20-46 players? Using ‘my’ suggests things are done for YOU and no one else’s opinion matters. Is it better to use the plural ‘we’ wherever possible when discussing the team?

Another thought–as a head coach, you can’t FORCE pronoun usage by players or assistants. I mean, you probably could, but that’s silly. Instead, I think the best bet is to listen to how your players and assistants use them. Are they using words that are inclusive–do they feel comfortable using ‘we’? There’s a big difference between a player saying “Jim thinks we need to work on passing” and “We need to work on passing.” See it?

Words matter. Where possible, choose them correctly and with care.