Leadership and Coaching: Light and Reflection

“There are two ways to share light. Be the candle or the mirror reflecting the light.”

Having to stop coaching abruptly in September, 2021, was both agonizing and, in the long term, a blessing. It’s providing more time in life to think and reflect–across a number of things whether coaching or business or teaching.

The quote is from Edith Wharton, an American writer from the late 19th-early 20th centuries. It’s pretty direct–and definitely apt for thinking about leadership…but I’m going to intentionally go pedantic with it.

Wharton talks about being the light or reflecting it–a binary choice. Why not a different option–do both? Be the light AND reflect light.

Isn’t that what we are supposed to do as people. We reflect the light shined upon us (for the good, hopefully) by our parents, teachers, coaches, and the role-models around us. Likewise, we, in turn, must shine as light on others around us–so that they have someone they can look to for guidance when things aren’t going right–or to prevent them from heading into temptation.

I reached the end of a chapter of my life in September–and to help cope with the suddenness, I started wondering if my time coaching had been worthwhile…or had I just jacked around for a quarter-century being irrelevant and wasting 1/3 of my life? …so I guess it wasn’t just coping–but depression to boot. This wasn’t helped by my best friend dying less than two weeks later after a decade-long fight against cancer.

I recalled quite a few of the bad moments–whether it was a tough loss, having to discipline an athlete, missing some of my kids’ school activities. I even thought about the times being cranky after a practice or match came home. There’s a long list of ifs, buts, and should’ves, some regrets in there, too.

Would I do it differently if we popped back to the start of being a head coach?

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Hey–if you read the blog, have you considered helping out with a donation to my Foundation? Donations go straight to the good–whether that’s purchasing books, providing educational games to community groups, or a number of other things (eventually scholarships being endowed). One-time or recurring…even $5 or $10 makes a difference. Seriously–if you’ve gotten enough from the blog, why not donate a Starbucks/month to help kids and help teachers?

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No–not for a second.

Wharton’s light is important to me–I was blessed with inspirational people in my life growing up–grandparents who moved their family to the US for a better life, a dad who could conduct real business with a handshake and backed his word up with an ironclad guarantee. I had teachers who gave 110% for students–Mrs. Miller, Mrs. Kemmerer, Mrs. Loula. I got to live on a college floor with crazy amazing people. Eventually this led me to wanting to make a difference–coaching, teaching, and now with the Foundation.

Those were my efforts to be a light (within coaching/education). The thing is, until you take a moment (or hour) to sit and think, you don’t realize the impact you have on others–and the chain reaction that can cause. Where do you see your light reflected?

*How many of your athletes have gone on to coach? *How many have gone on to work with young people in general? *Have you helped athletes seek out new challenges like military service…or beyond to something like the Special Forces. *Do they go on to mentor others–younger kids if they themselves are still students, etc? *Do they go on with confidence into whatever profession they choose? *Do they become leaders? *Do they model integrity, decency, maintain an inherent goodness?

I started thinking about all the things my alumni have gone on to–amazing things from incredible moms to PHDs to business owners to teachers/coaches…an unbelievably wide gamut of life choices. I wondered what effect I had on that–and then as word spread, many of my alumni had the kindness to reach out and tell me exactly what I meant/still mean for them. That was appreciated.

I suppose if you aren’t me, that comes across like patting myself on the back. It’s not meant to be that. It’s what helped me get past a tough spot in life. It was reaffirmation of why I’d wanted to teach and coach in the first place.

So when you have a down moment–when it feels like you’ve hit the bottom, think about your light, think about the light that others have reflected onto you. Shine bright. Be good.

There’s a gospel song that sums all this up–the most famous version is from Sam Cooke and the Civil Rights Movement: