Is my face red?

It seems like I embarrass myself on at least a semi-daily basis, but these are the three times that were the most embarrassing to me throughout my life:

The Gas Station Bathroom IncidentMy sister and I were travelling together some 15 years ago and made a pit stop at an Irving. It had been raining and on my way inside I attempted to jump over a lake of a mud puddle. I slipped and landed face first in the muck. We laughed about it and I proceeded to the bathroom to clean myself off. The boy’s room was occupied. Dang it! Now, the way I see it, if any two public facilities are single-person bathrooms there is no need to stick to the one with your gender represented on the door. If there is a line up, then yes. But otherwise, no biggie. I knew I wouldn’t take long, so I just stepped in quickly to wipe off the muddy water drips and then jet. I didn’t lock the door. Didn’t even shut it all the way. My sister came to see how I was and when she opened the door it bumped my leg as I was bent over wiping my sneakers. I thought I’d be funny and I let out a a shrill, pathetic, and obviously fake cry of distress. “Ahhhhh!”

And that’s when I realized… that’s not my sister coming to check on me. It’s a teenaged girl thinking she’s going to take care of some business in the ladies’ room. She opens the door, it stops, she hears a weird squawk, and a man stands up and says, “Oh! I’m so sorry! I thought you were my sister.” Not the wisest choice of words. She looked at me with a mix of confusion and disgust. “F***!” was all she said to me. I couldn’t leave that gas station fast enough.

A Mistaken IdentityI was in college and a bunch of us had gotten together at a friend’s house after attending a church service. One of the people there was Colleen. She wasn’t a close friend of mine, but I knew her pretty well. Her mother was there with her, and there was no doubting that they were related. She had her mom’s nose, eyes, mouth, hair, and mannerisms. She seemed like a taller, older version of Colleen. At one point in the night a handful of us were carrying a conversation with her; the only person in the room who wasn’t a fellow college student. She mentioned something—I can’t remember what—and I said, “Yes, your daughter told me about that.”

“My what??” Yup. It was her sister. My friend Dana laughed heartily (and mercilessly I might add!) as I squirmed, blushed, and wished for an exit sign.

I was this close

As a teenager I would always sit with my friends in the balcony at church. It was farther away from the pulpit and in our minds that made it easier to whisper and snicker our way through to the end. In the pew in front of me some people had just filed in as the congregation was standing for… something. Directly in front of me was a cute girl, but she was 15 or 16 and I was a lowly 13-year-old. But she turned, looked up at me with those beautiful eyes crowned with long eyelashes and said, “Hi Troy.” I said hi back and then she did something I didn’t expect. She smiled and made that gesture with the index finger that says, “come here.” Now when  a cute girl did this it made my heart flutter. In the balcony it was theater-style seating, so she had to look up to me. I bent down and she seemed to arch her neck as if to reach me. She pushed her head forward.

It was in front of people, but I didn’t care. I was getting a kiss! She leaned in. I leaned in. Then she smirked. Then it hit me and I quickly turned my head—she was only wanting to whisper something in my ear and here I was offering her my lips! I pretended like nothing happened and that I was simply listening intently.“Did you think I was…”“What?” I said, again pretending.“Oh nothing.”Then she said to me what she was planning on saying from the start. “Where’s your brother?”

Congratulations . This is your week.

Best Actress: Talia Shire as Adrian in .

Best Actor: My man, Daniel Day-Lewis as Daniel Plainview.

Best Quote: “You’ll have to excuse my friend. He’s a little slow. The town is back way.” — Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey) in

And for anyone who’d find it interesting, the following are my all-time favourite 20 movies of all time:

Robert Duvall as The Apostle (1997)

20. Psycho (1960)19. Back to the Future (1985)18. About A Boy (2002)17. The Kid (1921)16. Nacho Libre (2006)15. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)14. Rain Man (1988)13. Pulp Fiction (1994)12. Christmas Vacation (1989) 11. Saving Private Ryan (1998)10. Schindler’s List (1993)9. The Apostle (1997)8. Jerry Maguire (1996)7. The Dark Knight (2008)6. Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987)5. Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)4. Dumb and Dumber (1994)3. Rocky (1976)2. There Will Be Blood (2007)1. Life is Beautiful (1997)Movie of the Week