Iowa State: Westgate and the Turbo Toilet

The building I lived in during college is long gone now–they paved paradise and put up a parking lot as Joni Mitchell sang. Oh well…there’s a party in my mind and I hope it never stops…(Living Colour by the way).

I lived on Foster, third floor of glorious Westgate, the only undergrad housing at Iowa State with private (four people only) bathrooms. That’s the subject of this. The toilet in Suite 307 was known as ‘the turbo toilet’. For some reason, it had a different water pressure than every other toilet in the building (hence the name). One time, a couple guys put a ping-pong ball on a string to try and measure the flow and…the toilet took the ball and all of the string down the drain. Really, when it flushed, it was like a jet engine roaring. You never had to worry about the toilet getting clogged or leaving bonus floaters behind.

Now, there was a problem for us on Foster. Above us was a floor called Nelson. They had the same ‘academic hours’ requirements we did–about being courteous 24/7 with noise and benefitting serious academic study. The problem was, they interpreted it differently. They interpreted courteous as silence. If you were having fun above a library whisper, they’d file a complaint with the Resident Assistant or Hall Director which meant whoever/whichever suite was involved would need to be told.

Sophomore year, spring semester I’m living in 307b–Meythaler and Haugse were in 307a, and Gabelwas my roommate. We weren’t crazy–though Chris Gabel DID like loud music. We also weren’t silent, so of course there were complaints from upstairs. And then, one day, after we were told to keep it quiet, wedecided on a little revenge (because what fun is college without petty revenge?). Westgate walls/floors weren’t soundproofed so it wasn’t like we were unaware of people walking around above us. One of the people above us would shower at the same time every evening.

ASIDE: You know, the only person I ever had a conversation with that lived on Nelson turned out to be a crazy girl who murdered a paraplegic. Really. You can look her up: Yvette Louisell. Same time, there was a Rhodes scholar living on the floor below us.

Anyways, the evening after we were told we were too loud, the person upstairs went into the bathroom and started the shower. We waited a couple minutes then went into the bathroom and immediately started flushing the toilet, continuing to run the Turbo Toilet over and over. Of course, Westgate didn’t have modern plumbing so there was a limit to how much water could be moving, what its priorities were…and it turns out that unheated water goes to toilets…which means that there will be a sudden end to cold water going to showers, so that even if a shower’s set to a medium temperature…that will suddenly change with no cold water tempering the hot.

Within 30 seconds, there was a scream from the shower upstairs and a thud–which was the sound of someone jumping out of the shower. We immediately stopped flushing–no need to give the game away. Ahhh, good times. And the next time we were told to keep it down? Funny…that was the next time someone upstairs had a shower malfunction. Whoever was upstairs got the picture after this all happened a third and final time. No more noise complaints…and we could go about our normal, weird, lives.

And here I sit recalling this and reading it and realize how strange it is that we never spoke to anyone up on Nelson in the years we were in that building. Women on the floor below us (Lowe)–absolutely. International co-ed housing (Stalker) on the main level…yup. ANd now I wonder if anyone else in the building ever talked with those on Nelson. Hmph.