In which I address the United Nations General Assembly on the subject of fatherhood

WordPress was being naughty this morning. Is it prejudiced against Canadians? Well, it should be. Anyway, I’m reposting it because that’s just the way I am.

Drinking Tips for Teens

Mr. Secretary-General, Mrs. Secretary-General, all the little Secretary-Generals: good morning.

I stand before you today, resplendent in gabardine, wearing this pith helmet at a jaunty angle just so, in order to speak for the fathers of the world, a position I find myself privileged to be in due to my first-hand knowledge of the subject and having craftily snuck past security, which is surprisingly lax given the venue.

Fatherhood in 2013, I regret to say, is in a plate of mayonnaise. Sorry, that can’t be right… can’t read my own writing… oh, here we go: Fatherhood in 2013 is in a state of malaise. “Is fatherhood still relevant?” they ask. “Do we need fathers at all?” they postulate. “Have you fixed that windowsill yet?” they badger. Much in the way that I am viciously slapping around this goggle-eyed sock puppet on my left hand, contemporary fatherhood is under attack. But…

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