“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” annotated

Have yourself a merry little ChristmasSize of Christmas may vary depending on pre-established numbers in household bubble in addition to rationalizations undertaken to justify additional relatives invited for the holiday get-together, though “invited” is perhaps a misnomer, as they simply took it upon themselves to say they’re coming, and it ultimately boils down to a risk-benefit analysis, the risk being possible infection from/of visiting relatives versus the benefits of not rocking the boat and maintaining civil relations post-pandemic. Nonetheless, public health guidelines encourage as little a Christmas as possible as well as a minuscule Boxing Day. Regardless of size, “merry” is the optimal Christmas mood you should be shooting for.

Let your heart be lightTen ways to let your heart be light:

1. Get a good sleep.

2. Look at old photos in a real album.

3. Decorate cookies.

4. Give cookies to isolated members of your community.

5. Eat cookies.

6. When our son was in kindergarten, he made a Christmas ornament that was a gingerbread man covered with glued-on macaroni, sesame seeds and kidney beans. Every year, he makes sure to hang that hideous decoration front and centre on the tree. He’s 25. It’s one of the highlights of the season. Find your personal bean man.

7. Listen to Christmas songs about peace, joy and giving, even those that look sadness square in the eye, like the Judy Garland version of this very song, not the sweetened up lyrics sung by Frank Sinatra et al; also, stuff Mariah Carey in a sack.

8. Walk, don’t drive, around your neighbourhood and look at the lights.

9. Remember that Dolly Parton is still alive.

10. Cat snuggles.

From now on our troubles will be out of sightTroubles in rear view mirror may be closer than they appear.

Have yourself a merry little ChristmasNot mandatory but strongly recommended.

Make the yuletide gayMaybe it’s a small victory—though it sure feels good to celebrate the small victories—but doesn’t it seem we’re making genuine progress on LGBTQ issues?

Next year all our troubles will be miles awayExact distance of troubles cannot be determined. Troubles may reoccur in close proximity without notice. Degree of troubles may range from minor (face mask clashes with work clothes) to colossal (coming to fruition of biblical prophecies). In the event of future troubles, alert the appropriate authorities. Stay hydrated. Endeavour to keep heart light.

Once again as in olden daysHappy golden days of yoreNot responsible for misremembered golden days or unverified days of yore, but, you know what? If those incorrect memories make you happy, knock yourself out.

Faithful friends who were dear to usWill be near to us once moreZooming with faithful friends is a reasonable alternative, even though it’s weird, though less weird than it was 10 months ago because we’re all getting used to it, which is still pretty bad but, like the last 10 months, honestly not as bad as it could have been.

Someday soon we all will be togetherTerms are kept purposely vague here for a reason. Not making any promises, folks.

If the fates allow“Fates” in this instance is defined as “local and regional public health authorities.”

Until then, we’ll have to muddle through somehowSymptoms of muddling through include fatigue, shortness of breath, Zoom-induced headaches, brave face, inadvertently revealing your Secret Santa recipient, excessive eggnog with or without rum, pharmacy gift shopping because the malls are terrifying, guilt, loneliness, making do, counting your blessings, moments of euphoria and numbness. Four out of five doctors recommend muddling through as the optimum method for surviving the holidays and, quite frankly, the best we can hope for under the circumstances. Muddling through should be accompanied by cutting some slack because everyone’s doing the best they can, even if they do keep playing Wham’s “Last Christmas” over and over just to bug you (true story).

And have yourself a merry little Christmas nowYes, please do.