Goal! The Dream Begins (Danny Cannon) 2005

When this first came out I skipped it for the cliche underdog sports crap that’s a dime a dozen these days.  But with the release of a trilogy with the second being subtitled “Living the Dream” and I assume the last will be called “The Dream Dies Tragically in a Room Full of Hookers and Quaaludes”.  Anyway, with the release of the trilogy I thought maybe I missed out on a little gem that has a good following.  Well my original assessment was correct.  Goal! The Dream Begins is one of the more cliche sports movies to come out in a long time.

Our underdog who comes from the unlikeliest of places is an illegal Mexican immigrant Santiago who does day labor and is also the Kwisatz Haderach when it comes to soccer.  During a nothing play game, a former British soccer star and kind of scout notices Santiago’s god like abilities and offers him a tryout on Newcastle’s soccer team.  Like I said all the cliches come out including a billion obstacles in his path and even a disapproving father who finally catches one of Santiago’s games at the last second before croaking.  Sadly there was no slow clap to add the little cherry on top but there is so much slow mo I almost thought I was in a different time continuum or at least a Zach Snyder movie.

I wouldn’t mind all the cliches if the movie weren’t so goddamn long (2 hrs).  Santiago runs into so many obstacles and people in his path it really makes you question why a major team like Newcastle would give him so many chances.  Another thing that bugs me is how the movie tries to have its moral and eat it too (excuse the mixed metaphors).  Goal keeps hammering home the moral that the team comes first yet when push comes to shove, everything revolves around Santiago scoring the goals.  Its not like say Rudy, where Rudy supports the team and they in turn rally around him in the end.

I guess I have another nitpicky problem that I guess I will again use Rudy as a point of comparison.  Rudy was an undersized man who was not the fastest or the strongest, but he had determination and toughness.  He was truly never given anything and had to bust his ass all day every day for just one opportunity.  Compare that with Goal! where we are shown in flashbacks that Santiago can bend it like Beckham almost from the womb.  Santiago doesn’t necessarily work any harder than any of his other teammates, he is not a team player, and is given dozens of opportunities because of his natural talents.  Because isn’t that what the underdog story is about?  Its about a man who doesn’t fit the mold of a typical sportsman but who creates his own destiny.

There are a few (very few) bright spots like the Montel Vontavius Porter (for those of you who are wrestling fans) like sports star who is big on mouth and little on talent. What else, what else…oh, David Beckham and Zidane are in this movie.  Of course there scenes go like this: Santiago walks into the bar and runs into a man “Hi, I’m David Beckham.  You are good soccer player.”  Santiago then walks backward in awe of the sports legend and runs into another man “Oh hi!  I’m Zidane.  I saw you play and you are a good player.”

But yeah, I came in with pretty low expectations of just a mildly entertaining sports movie but got a plodding dull mess.