Feeding Fernando Lamas

I imagine I first knew about Fernando Lamas (Fernando Álvaro Lamas y de Santos, 1915-1982) by way of his being kidded on Saturday Night Live — no less than twice.

The first occasion was the 1979 sketch starring Bill Murray as a Latin American game show who asks contestants the immortal question “¿Quién es Más Macho?” and Lamas’ name, along with those of Ricardo Montalban, Lloyd Bridges, et al are multiple choice answers. Then in 1984, Billy Crystal took it up a notch by playing the actor in a recurring segment called Fernando’s Hideaway, presenting the old ham as a superficial celebrity hound whose catchphrases were “You look mahvelous” and “It’s better to look good than to feel good.” Prior to both those bits, Lamas had already parodied himself in Neil Simon’s The Cheap Detective (1978). Later (roughly 2006-2016) he was also lampooned by actor Jonathan Goldsmith in those Dos Equis commercials: “Stay thirsty, my friends”.

One is apt to regard Lamas as a kind of Latin George Hamilton, a guy skating by on his good looks and charming accent, who did lots of cheesy television, and several motion pictures, none of which proved immortal. Things I know him from best, such as Murder on Flight 502 (1975) and guest shots on The Love Boat, are not calculated to stand as towering edifices of lasting import, though one is aware that at his peak in the ’50s, Lamas had starred in such things as remakes of the musicals The Merry Widow (1952) and Rose Marie (1954). I’d also seen him in such things as Irwin Allen’s 1960 remake of The Lost World, and the 1969 western 100 Rifles.

One distinctive aspect of Lamas’s persona was that he was Argentinian (unlike most Latin American stars of his day, who tended to be Mexican, Cuban, or Puerto Rican). His was a dashing, aristocratic mien, born for sitting polo ponies. Lamas was an expert equestrian, was a champion fencer and boxer, and became South American Freestyle Swimming Champion of 1937. He acted on stage and radio and in films in his native country for over a decade before he was cast in the Republic film The Avengers (1950), which shot in Argentina. He came back to the States with the shoot for scenes that were to be shot on Hollywood soundstages, and simply remained in the country. In addition to his many films, he was nominated for a Tony for his performance in Happy Hunting on Broadway in 1957

Married twice in Argentina, Lamas’ second divorce arose from his having an affair with Lana Turner during the shooting of The Merry Widow. In 1954 he married Arlene Dahl, whom he’d appeared with in Sangaree and The Diamond Queen, both in 1953. The pair were divorced in 1960, and Lamas went to work in Europe for several years. In 1963 he directed himself and fellow swim champ Esther Williams (whom he’d first appeared with in Dangerous When Wet a decade earlier) in a Spanish film called Magic Mountain. The pair were married in 1969. I bet THAT swimming pool got a lot of use! Ironically, it was Lamas, who had worked with Irwin Allen and would later appear in the disaster movie Murder on Flight 502, who convinced Williams not to be in The Poseidon Adventure.

In his later years, Lamas directed television programs like Falcon Crest (which featured his old friend Jane Wyman and his son Lorenzo Lamas) and House Calls. His last screen credit as an actor was in the TV mini-series The Dream Merchants (1980), based on Harold Robbins’ novel about the early days of cinema. He was slated to be a regular on the tv series Gavilan (1982) with Robert Urich and Kate Reid, but he succumbed to cancer before production began. He was replaced in the cast by Patrick Macnee. Only ten episodes of the show aired.

Lamas never said it, but I feel obligated it to end on this anyway: “Say thirsty, friends!”