Family Memory (XLIX): Becoming a Parent

I’m not sure when I’ll post this, but I’ve started writing it on August 13, 2024—Erick’s 30th birthday. Ultimately, I started thinking about everything that is still so vivid in my mind about that day–and then, later, with Brigitte and Michael.

Erick: *Dinner the night before was Chinese takeout and we watched Christopher Plummer in “The Seven Percent Solution.” Julie wound up with indigestion. *Things started happening at 4am. At 5, we were at Sarah Bush. *They induced labor around 8am. They gave Julie a relaxant/sleep drug around 11. I ate in the cafeteria with her dad. *After dinner, they decided to do a C-section…I realized years later that the doctors were a bit worried and were rushing to get the C-section underway, but I didn’t know that until Brigitte’s birth…in the moment, all the doctors came in and introduced themselves. Every one of them did the same thing, looked at the TV and said, “We had Walker, Texas Ranger on at home.” *There was a woman in labor next door screaming for pain killers–and then for a gun, pleading for someone to shoot her (clear even through soundproofed walls). The next day, she saw me, asked how big our baby was and when I told her, she said “I would’ve died.” *Julie was dazed in the operating room–they numbed everything. Me? I remember the smell of cauterized blood–yuck. Julie then made a comment about not liking the smell…and then Dr. LaVeck’s comment, “Oh my god, there was no way this was coming out normal. Congratulations, it’s a boy.” *They put Erick in an incubator, put his head facing left. He immediately lifted it himself (!) and turned to the right. The nurse put it to the left and he turned it again. She then said (don’t remember to whom): “He shouldn’t be able to do that.”

Brigitte: *I remember the day was planned–the docs told us that later babies were always bigger and knowing how big Erick was, they figured doing the procedure two weeks before the due date would be good. It probably was–she was a big baby, too…two more weeks and maybe she would’ve made Julie be like John Hurt in Alien. *The preparation for the C-section for Erick took an hour. With Brigitte, it was 6-7 hours. This was when I realized how serious 1994 had been. In hindsight and with passing years, I appreciate that the doctors didn’t tell the whole truth. They were professionals and didn’t need a panicked future-dad getting in the way…better to make everything seem routine–though it wasn’t. *I remember Erick holding her by the bedside. We have a picture somewhere, I’m sure. I wonder if Erick remembers that moment? *There was an ‘incident’ with Julie’s mom–those details won’t be shared. *I was scared–because I wasn’t sure how to deal with a little girl. *Brigitte came along just more than two weeks after my grandfather died. My grandma came to visit shortly after–it’s the only time we broke our rule about smoking in the house. Grandma got to hold her great-granddaughter–we have pictures. Grandma stayed with us for about a week–it was the last time I saw her. She was so lost without my grandfather…but holding Brigitte took that sorrow away for a brief time.

Michael: What I remember is the call from the adoption agency asking if we were ready–we said, sure, we’re painting a room and it’ll be ready in a couple months–their original projected time…person on the phone said “No, he’ll arrive on Tuesday.” So I had to adjust volleyball camps and off we went to Chicago’s O’Hare Airport where we met the adoption coordinator. We didn’t have to do anything other than sit and wait–first for the plane to arrive, then for customs, etc. Eventually, a woman brought out two babies–there was another couple waiting, too. When she came out, we signed some papers and that was it. It was like signing for a piece of registered mail. We got in the car and back home we went. It is why that day is always referred to within the family as “Package Pickup Day”. Ultimately, it has proven to be the best package we’ve ever received.

I also remember the first few days, Mike was a cranky baby–it wasn’t just jet lag. It was cultural (yes, with a 1yo!) We had him in a crib–babies in Korea sleep on baby futons. We put him in a high chair–babies there eat while sitting on a lap–little things like that.

Also–later we found out that the consular officer who approved our baby coming to the United States was my friend Jeff Arnold. With all of that, the decision to adopt, the decision to pick little Sung Min Lim–one of the greatest decisions we ever made.