Dreaming of an Etch-a-Sketch brain

This week’s Movie of the Week–in honour of my sister’s birthday–is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

It was a grey autumn morning in rural New Brunsick and I was heading to a nursing home with two teenagers. This was a special “ministry day” where we were going to serve our community. It was a small youth group so five went to the soup kitchen in Saint John and two were with me. They’d never been to a facility like this and it was about to rock their world. As soon as we walked in we saw a woman in a wheelchair who could’ve been 80 or 90–no way of telling. She was buckled into the seat and kept crying out in a desperate but weak voice, “Somebody help me! I need to go home!” Her woeful, helpless voice stirred a sympathy and compassion in us but we knew there was nothing we could do for her. Finally an orderly came by and reminded the woman, “You home. You live here. We will bring you to your room soon.” At that point I hoped that did the trick. It didn’t. The orderly left and not even two minutes later the poor old girl started again.

As U2 puts it, she was stuck in a moment. Is this what Joel and Clementine were like in a way? They wish to erase the memory of someone who meant a lot to them because of the awful pain associated with them. But then that causes a struggle. The struggle in this movie makes you think long and hard. When you are stuck in the past you are stuck in a moment. But erasing the past in an effort to erase the pain, does that get us stuck just as bad?

There are so many regrets in life. So many things we wish we could forget. If we really did have the ability, would we shake our heads like an Etch-a-Sketch or hook ourselves up to a machine and just have it all go away? Would it be worth it? If we were to delete things out of our minds that were painful, could we simply be taking some of our own selves away and leaving an empty void?

I admit, I have often wondered what to do with memories of bad things. They don’t go away. “Looking on the bright side” is as much help as drying yourself off with a square of toilet paper after a hot shower. These memories can seize any moment, and in doing so perhaps ruin an entire day. Or week. Or lifetime?

I will never forget the professor who taught a course I took in seminary called “Storytelling.” He said that even though bad things happen in your life, the one thing (perhaps the only thing) positive you can say about those things is that they are yours. I didn’t get this at first, but in my life I find that this is true.

Before our son Luke was born my wife and I had a miscarriage. We were both heartbroken. After a long day of being tended to in the hospital we both lay on the single hospital bed and slept. I fell asleep with one thought going around and around my head: “I didn’t even get to find out the sex of the baby!” The next morning I remember going to get breakfast at McDonald’s. I looked at the teenage girl across the counter and wanting to tell her what I’d just been through and about Joy who was back at the hospital. I can’t explain all of the thoughts, emotions and heartache we experienced that day, and since that day. I can, however, say this: It was a bad experience. I don’t wish it on anyone. But that experience is mine and no one can do anything to change that. It’s a part of my story. It’s awful, it’s tender, it’s mine.

Maybe you can’t change the past, but you can own it, face it, and move on.

Congratulations, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. This is your week.

And Happy Birthday Jenn. You’re an awesome sister. Let’s go see a movie sometime soon.

And the Oscar goes to…Best actress: Kate Winslet. She is one of my absolute favourite actresses and I think she stands out amoungst her peers as much as Meryl Streep does. Best actor: I’ve name Jim Carrey best actor before and he certainly deserves it now. But since he’s already had the honour (And what a high honour! Such a widely read blog.) I’d like to award this one to Dev Patel. He was awesome in Slumdog Millionaire. Best quote: “What a loss to spend that much time with someone, only to find out that she’s a stranger.” – Joel in ESOTSM.

One last little bit of trivia–Slumdog Millionaire and Schindler’s List share the distinction of being the only films to win Best Picture, Director and Screenplay at the Golden Globes, BAFTAs and the Oscars. They also share the distinction of having a scene involving a young boy jumping into human excrement under a toilet. Kinda wish I could’ve stood in for the Slumdog Millionaire kid for that scene. What he jumped in was actually a combination of chocolate and peanut butter.