Do You Remember Your First Time?

In the 21st century, you have to lead with a title that is risque or is misleading. There ya go.

This weekend, my youngest child graduated from high school, the ceremony delayed two months by social distancing and the pandemic. As a parent, it’s been a solid 24 hours of reflection regarding parenting–a lot of ‘Do you remember when ____?” stuff. you think a lot about “This is the last time for _____,” too.

Of course, recently I wrote about a different first. That’s on the first time I remember encountering racism. It doesn’t have anything to do with coaching directly, but still worthwhile (and one of the boys from the story is impressed my memory of it is that good since I wasn’t directly involved…yay me??)

So I decided to go more positive with a ‘first’ and thought about a few volleyball firsts.

The first college volleyball match I saw was September, 1989. Iowa at Illinois, Kenney Gym. Crowded beyond fire capacity, no A/C. What a great experience. Couldn’t understand the PA, didn’t know the rules, the band was really loud. Also important–Illinois stomped the Schmuckeyes. I started going to games regularly, learned the rules…learned that women’s sports were 3rd class citizens. Without that night, there are no other firsts.

The first match as a head coach…August, 1996, an away game at Oblong HS. I was so over-prepared I paralyzed myself. We won anyways. I was an okay coach–I had an open mind about player abilities, I didn’t play favorites, and knew I needed to build a program from top to bottom not just rely on ‘favorites’. I just wish I was more mature, that I knew how to run practices like I do now, and really wish I knew how to work with different personalities. Every HS kid is so unique in what they need. Coaching is an art, not a science, not something you can chart out.

My first match as a college coach was August, 2004. The previous coach left right at the start of practices, wiped the computers, the works. I ran four practices and boom–we were playing. It was wonderful teaching college again, wonderful to coach college, to get to recruit. I’d still like to go back to 2004 me and redo it with 2020 me. I could’ve done better interacting with the kids…wouldn’t have won though–four of the sophomores just wouldn’t buy in to having a new coach and spent the year angry. I was so mad at that–but I realize now, that was beyond my control. Still, the president there at Allen, John Masterson, was great. He supported faculty, coaches, and always had the kids’ interests at heart. (Still does, actually)

My first match at Lincoln Land, a tournament in Galveston, TX, before they lost their gym/program to a hurricane. I spent that first year without an assistant coach so it was kinda hectic. One player was mad at her playing time…we got back, she went to the AD and immediately tried to get me fired. One player missed the tournament–missed the flight…wound up having to be the first player I ever booted off a team. What a first!

The first trip to nationals–it was so great to win a regional, to be up 22-4 on a Top 10 team in the final set. Of course, as it was happening, I sat on the bench trying to think what I’d need to say if we lost it, how we’d recover for the next set. I can still see my AD, Ron Riggle, sitting up in the top row of the bleachers with the biggest smile ever as he watched. Nationals was a great experience, save for the first match. In the 5th set, one of my players got referred to through the net with the N-word. She wound up losing focus, we wound up losing. I got mad–but the refs said they don’t pay attention/didn’t hear. Using THAT word just to win a match. Ugh.

A a coach–or a teacher–do you remember the firsts? Do you remember your excitement? Do you remember the really excruciating firsts–the first locker room after a season’s over with your seniors? The first time a parent yelled at you or tried to intimidate you?

I think it’s important to remember these things–they shape us whether good or bad. They lead us to shape others. So think on those things–appreciate all of it because there’s nothing like a first. Don’t forget those and remember as you coach, you are responsible for the ‘firsts’ for many of your players. How you help create those situations says a lot about you and your program.