Damn Those Handsome, Digital Characters!

Its difficult not to feel unjustly inferior in stature to certain individuals: the dashing, well chiselled facade of Bradley Cooper, the impeccable comedic, almost unconscious persuasion of Bill Murray, and my general confusion of Robert Pattison reason for existence. So it’s comforting to escape the shallow, self-conscious musings of my aesthetic inferiority, and focus purely on achieving less judgemental targets, that is until you realise the extent of the psychological damage that has been so subtlety inflicted by years of gaming ignorance, when you realise just how sophisticatedly handsome these manipulated characters have become, proudly reiterated by my girlfriends increasing lust and aesthetic appreciation of digitally rendered characters.

There’s an inherit lack of sympathy for my increased sense of apathy for rugged protagonists, who can leap from one moving car into another without the slightest hesitation and consideration for their own safety, while still maintaining the bounce and shine of their follically endowed locks, and perfectly symmetrical, structured features that appear to combine the 2 distinct elements of the 2 individuals stated above. Of course my hysterical denouncing of my girlfriends infatuation with numerous characters are disregarded as juvenile semantics, and misconstrued appreciation of their individuals heroic intentions, and nothing to do with their appealing physique, because hearing your partner shouting “he’s hot” like a prepubescent teen is a clear alleviation of those statements, as well as an inditement of my involuntary contribution to your life *turns back, and flicks scarf in a mildly rude, but no less dignified manner*.

Obviously I realise these are purely fictitious personalities, thrown into unrealistic scenarios for entertainment purposes, but its tough enough competing with the masculine visages of Chris Hemsworth, without further contest from virtual “hotties”. I’m now in a contrasting state of attempting to validate my masculinity and assert my dominance as the alpha male, which seems to involve bravely holding the shopping basket full of various heavy objects, demonstrating my precision muscular attributes with the opening of various jars and condiments, and naturally refraining from blubbering like wounded child during the conclusion of E.T. But as graphics improve and further develop the superficial, attractiveness of the fashionably appealing characters like Nathan Drake, Jake Muller, Dante, Leon Kennedy and so on, my intimidation will only persist, and further constrict my whimpering masculinity until I’m left alone, betrayed by my virtual accomplice. Damn those handsome devils! But thank the virtual deities for a very understanding, slightly bemused girlfriend to my almost repellant behaviour.

Are you attracted to a video game character? Let me know your opinions.