Coaching Guilt

I’ve coached a lot of years. I started before starting a family and am blessed to continue coaching now that my children are adults. But there’s a nagging question that is ALWAYS there for me–and it is one that, I think, every coach who is a parent has:

*Am I spending too much time with other people’s children rather than my own?

It’s a real question. If you are a teacher, you’ve thought about this, too.

It creates anxiety every time you miss something like a 2nd grade Christmas presentation or your child has to sit in the gym while you run practice while waiting for a spouse to pick them up. You’ve seen the pictures–things like a toddler asleep in a ball cart or being held by a player’s parent while the baby’s parent is busy coaching. The posts almost always say “Isn’t this cute?” but I get the sense that it is often about trying to overcome guilt. Would I be a better parent if I was with my child rather than coaching?

Maybe this is an American thing. When my son was studying abroad, his host family’s youngest son was 12. He’d finish school, then bus across a city of 250,000 to soccer practice, then come home around 2000, maybe 2100. The parents didn’t worry–they trusted their son being responsible, believed society was responsible. He wasn’t alone…turns out that was the case for a ton of kids. And not just Poland. When we traveled in Germany, we got on a bus just after noon. Me and my son were the only adults–there were 25 kids no older than 4th grade. They all knew their bus stops. They were learning independence rather than reliance on someone else. “Guilt” like American coaches feel–I don’t think it exists.

Anyways–SHOULD a coach feel guilt? No, I don’t think so. Knowing priorities and responsibilities is important. Missing that 2nd grade choir so that you’re free all weekend for birthday #9 instead? Is that bad?

I’ve tried to think of it a different way since my children grew up–now past the point of having to do as I say since they are adults. Rather than guilt at being busy coaching, maybe doing that coaching is a GOOD thing and GOOD for your kids.

When you coach–presuming you are doing it for the right reasons…which is sadly not guaranteed…–you are a role-model for your own children. When you coach,

• You are teaching cooperation

• You are teaching the right way to compete

• You show the importance of being part of a group

• You’re showing leadership

• You’re teaching sportsmanship

See how this goes? These are all things your children need. They get taught these things (generally speaking) at school, but kids always pay more attention when young to their parents and how they act towards others. They see you acting out everything they are being taught/told to do.

So instead of focusing on the guilt–consider the positive example you are setting for your children!