Coaching and the Happiness Curve

Sociologists have determined there is a U-curve in life that can predict with great accuracy how happy a person is. Pretty simple–it’s based on your age. As a kid or once you pass 55-ish, you are happy and stress is massively less than between 14-54. At a person’s physical/societal ‘peak’, a person is almost always the least happy.

Does this help at all when thinking about a coaching career?

If you’re reading this, you already know I’ve been around quite a while–much, much closer to retirement than the first match I took part in…so I’m trying to write from that perspective.

If the hypothesis is true, really, you’re looking at three coaching stages–you’ve got your early days, mid-career, and then the end….trying to match up with the original thesis.

Early Days: Looking back, it was really cool to be coaching. As an assistant, getting to be involved with big-time coaches and learning constantly on every aspect of the game. That was great for 4-5 years, then I got to become a head coach–which was also exciting. I think the excitement of just being a coach lasted for the first 3-4 years of being a head coach.

Mid-stage: By my fifth year as a HC, I knew what I was doing–where my strengths were, knew what I didn’t know, too. The thrill though now focused more on winning…with an eye on climbing the rungs of the ladder. When I wasn’t winning, I was wanting to get better–not for the sake of improvement, but to line up a more prestigious job. This stage lasted about twenty years.

End stage: For me, the first nudge in this direction came after we were in three consecutive Final Fours; when those were done, I realized I was more excited by my players moving on than the winning. I knew ‘the end’ was in full swing after surviving COVID and dealing with a couple health scares–I stopped worrying as much about the scoreboard, focusing on relationships instead.

So–am I happier now than I was a decade ago? Absolutely. There’s also this from 2015 though. After the COVID stuff, I realized just how many athletes I’ve coached who have gone on to great personal success–and then how many decided to become coaches themselves because they wanted to pass things forward. It became far, FAR more important to stay in touch with alumni, know they are still valued even decades later. That happiness is directly related to not sweating the details. Win or lose a point, there’ll be another. It’s really about developing young people into stable adults. It’s about enjoying time with friends–whether those friends are officials or coaches on the other team. Friendships and relationships are bigger than a win or a loss!

What do you think? Do you fit somewhere on this curve? Do you buy it? If it IS correct, a real thing–what do we have available as tools to extend our early stage happiness? How do we reach the end-stage happiness sooner? Is it possible make the bottom of the U less shallow?

I’d love to read comments, see what people think.