Can’t Stop the Music (1980) Nancy Walker

Production Budget: $20 million

Gross: $2 million

Link to the trailer:

I mentioned before in my Xanadu review this movie was originally a 99 cent double bill with Can’t Stop the Music.  This was a double feature so spectacularly horrible it was the inspiration for making the Razzie awards.  Can’t Stop the Music also won the first Worst Picture Razzie.  The movie, oddly enough, is about the formation of the Village People and their rise to stardom although many of the members didn’t like it.  For one this really isn’t a biography of how they got together but also in that the producers toned down the gay subculture in the movie.  That’s right people; look at this movie and remember the gay subculture is toned down.

The movie is about Jack Morrell (a VERY young Steve Guttenberg) who is apparently a DJ/music composer who is looking for his big break.  He lives with a model Samantha (Valarie Perrine) who decides to help bring together a group.  After one day she forms the Village People and they spend the rest of the movie trying to sign for a big record label.  Oh and Bruce Genner is in this movie for no reason whatsoever other than to be Perrine’s love interest.

That’s it; that’s the movie.  Can you believe that plot takes TWO HOURS to get through?  I just love that in the movie Perrine spends one day just walking down the street, questions supposedly random people on the street, and just happens to create the Village People.  And keep in mind, these are not the members of the Village People trying to play ordinary people.  No, they are playing their on stage characters as real life characters.  Samantha is literally walking down the road and you see a half naked Indian wearing a stereotypical headdress just walking down the streets of New York City.  We get the same for Leatherman, the Construction Worker, and The Police Officer.  Are they seriously trying to tell me there are actual police officers roaming around with tight ass pants with shirts only buttoned up halfway and their hairy chests poking out?  What kind of reality are these writers living in?

But to get back on track, there really is no plot or conflict.  The Village People just form and they go around auditioning until they have their big concert.  There is no antagonist or any real conflict here.  Yeah they get turned down once or twice but they just get another gig and they eventually get their contract.  This is like an 80 minute movie made into a 120 minute movie for no reason.  The rest of the movie is padded out with humor you see coming 2 miles away yet the director stretches it out about 10 miles.  Take for example a joke where Samantha makes lasagna for dinner.  She drops a contact lens in and she is concerned someone is going to eat it.  We get three separate scenes where she is trying to strain the sauce or dig through it to find the contact lens.  Then after 10 minutes we get the “payoff” where some b*tch at the party bites into it and you hear a crunch.  I have never seen a movie take so long for a joke and to have it die such a quiet and pathetic death.

There really is no build up for the music scenes either.  I swear to you there is no rhyme or reason or prompting by the plot.  The musical numbers are just pulled out of thin air.  Take for example when Samantha goes up to the Construction Worker and asks if she would like to join a group and before saying yes he imagines what it would be like.  BAM! Musical number.  Or because it is mandatory we put in the YMCA number, for no reason whatsoever they decide they have to spend a night at the YMCA.  I will give this movie only one bit of credit in that I find the Village People’s music catchy; repetitive as hell but catchy.  Hell, the Milkshake song will burrow into your brain like that worm in Wrath of Kahn and slowly drive you mad.

What is truly odd (yeah, for this movie anyway) is that I kind of agree with the Village People’s complaint about the toning down of the homosexuality.  Don’t get me wrong, this movie is gay (not that there is anything wrong with it) and I could do a whole video of the subtext and full text.  But for example, the Village People (an openly homosexual group) are shown having heterosexual relationships.  Contrast that scene with the YMCA musical scene where you see a male shower and you are wondering what the hell was going on with the producers.  That’s right, we get a male shower scene with 30 guys playing snap towel and we see both full frontal and back nudity!  I just don’t get that!  Look if you are trying to tone down the Village People (which is admittedly very stupid) and make it a “family” movie then why have a full on male shower scene?  I am not advocating that however; I say be as gay as you wanna be.  If you are going to make a gay musical then just do it.  I mean, who the hell do you think is going to buy a double feature of both Xanadu and freaking Can’t Stop the Music if not the gay/lesbian community?  And it makes you look hypocritical when one of the plot conflicts is people not giving them a contract for how they look and act, and you make a movie about them and you tone down the feature that makes the Village People so…well, fabulous!

I know this will also come as a surprise but the acting is sh*t.  I love the Gutt as much as anybody but this was very early in his career (before Police Academy) and before he learned anything about subtlety.  It is like he was on helium, speed, meth, and about 10 other pharmaceuticals during the making of this movie.  In every scene his eyes are bugged out, his mouth wide open, he is hopping around, and sqeaking out his likes like a chipmunk.  Interesting fact from IMDb is that Bruce Genner turned down the role of Superman.  On behalf of everyone everywhere I say thank you Bruce because you suck.  You may not suck as bad as the rest of the cast, but that is like saying you are the least annoying character in a Rob Schneider movie.  Guess what, you still suck.

It almost seems like I shouldn’t even bother with this complaint but to be complete I might as well add it.  The direction of this movie is crap.  Amateur doesn’t even begin to cover it.  This movie has errors galore, crappy cuts, horrible effects, no idea of scene construction or blocking, etc.  There is no sense of any competency behind the camera.

This movie hurts.  Yeah, the Village People are fine but I would just rather listen to the Village People on Youtube than watch all two hours of Can’t Stop the Music.  Everything about this movie is just crap.  While not the worst musical ever (Paint Your Wagon comes to mind as one worse) there is no reason for anyone to see it.  Damn you Can’t Stop the Music.

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*quietly sings to self* do the milkshake, the milkshake…DAMN IT!