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A More, Fully-Realised Person?

Writer: goldenstateservicesj
goldenstateservicesj
Apr 18, 2023
4 min read
Sherlock Holmes sits at a AA meeting, wondering if, had he been born in a different time, he would've been a more fully realised person. He is dressed in a dark suit, with four other AA members seated behind him.

“I often wonder if I should have been born at another time. My senses are unusually, some might say unnaturally keen, and ours is an era of distraction. It’s a punishing drumbeat of constant input. It follows us into our homes and into our beds. It seeps into our… into our souls, for want of a better word. For a long time, there was only one solution for my raw nerve endings and that was copious drug use. In my less productive moments, I’m given to wonder…. If I had just been born when it was a little quieter out there, would I have even become an addict in the first place? Might I have been more focused? A more fully realized person?” – Sherlock Holmes, Elementary, S2E07: Marchioness

When I first heard Sherlock say this, I felt seen. It was the way I’d felt all my life. I still do. When I was young, I dreamed of one day living in a little cottage surrounded by fields and trees as far as the eye could see. There’s a river nearby and I have a garden to grow my own food. Best of all, there are no people around for miles. Densely populated, fast-paced cities always made me nervous.

I’m more comfortable in intimate social settings than amidst a crowd or around a lot of high-energy people I have to interact with. If I do spend a significant amount of time with others, I mentally prepare way in advance and need moments to myself to reset.

I’m pretty good at sensing and recognising other people’s emotions, and can usually understand what motivates their behaviour. I also read body language and facial expressions well, which is overwhelming at times, especially if those around me are stressed, angry, upset or anxious.

I’m particularly sensitive to bright, glaring or blinking lights, super-loud sounds, strong scents (especially artificial scents), and bothered by itchy fabrics. I’m observant and tend to notice changes in my physical environment, even if they are subtle.

I can identify risk or potential danger in my physical surroundings, and devise solutions when the need arises. When managing daily tasks, planning ahead feels natural to me (I love lists), but all of this can appear obsessive to other people. I don’t care for huge surprises and sometimes feel frustrated with poor planning, or anxiously helpless when it’s not my place to fix a problem.

When I gave up drinking, I quickly realised I’d been using alcohol to neutralise the overwhelm caused by either too much sensory input, being an emotional sponge; or feeling anxious or afraid about living situations that were physically, economically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually unsafe or unsustainable.

In early sobriety, I picked up new self-soothing habits for those situations: coffee, delicious food, sweet desserts, milkshakes, salty snacks… are you seeing a pattern? The pleasure centres of my brain that used to be satisfied by alcohol, still demanded their fix when I went alcohol-free. I put on about 20 pounds in those first few months. That was not sustainable. I had to find another solution.

This worried me. I already knew my social habits would change when I quit, but was withdrawing from social events going to be my only option, if I couldn’t drink? I found myself making conscious choices about which events to attend, what to consume (if anything) at those events, and worked out safe exit strategies in advance. Rather than hanging out with friends at bars, restaurants or at house parties that were centred around drinking, I went to more book launches, art exhibitions, mind and body events, and formed a peer-review writing group to channel my creative energy.

Around this time, I attended a women’s circle gathering during which many shared life experiences related to body awareness. As the exchange came to a close, we helped to put away our chairs and yoga mats, ahead of a nature walk at the park next door. I was feeling pretty overwhelmed by then, and let the speaker know I was peopled out, and would go to the park ahead of the group and meet them there. She said sure, and asked if I was an HSP. I had no idea what that was, but looked it up when I got home that evening.

“A highly sensitive person (HSP) is a neurodivergent individual who is thought to have an increased or deeper central nervous system sensitivity to physical, emotional, or social stimuli. Some refer to this as having sensory processing sensitivity, or SPS for short.” Source: https://www.verywellmind.com/highly-sensitive-persons-traits-that-create-more-stress-4126393

Sensitivity isn’t an illness, a detriment, a problem, a diagnosis, or something that needs to be fixed or cured. And, most importantly, sensitivity isn’t weakness. Source: https://highlysensitiveperson.net/start-here/

Sensitivity is an essential human trait, and one that is tied to some of our species’ best qualities. There are powerful advantages that come with being sensitive. When sensitive people are allowed to thrive, society will benefit from their unique gifts. – Jenn Granneman and Andre Sólo

Highly sensitive people are thought to make up 20%-30% of the general population.

The more research I did that night, the more relief flooded through me. Everything clicked. Best of all, there were tools available to help me cope with sensory processing sensitivity! I didn’t have to push myself to be or do anything that didn’t feel natural to me.

Over time, I got better at recognising my triggers and learned what I needed to do to prevent (and deal with) sensory overload. I actively sought and adopted healthy coping mechanisms to process overwhelming situations, and learned that it was okay to say no to people and events when I needed to. It’s an ongoing journey, but I am grateful every day for the discovery.

Here are some links if you would like to know more about HSPs and Sensory Processing Sensitivity:

Why HSPs Use Alcohol to ‘Turn Off’ Being Sensitive — And How to Stop https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/why-hsps-use-alcohol-to-turn-off-being-sensitive-and-how-to-stop/

Love and Light to you, Phoenix.

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~*~

The annual AtoZ Challenge is happening this month and prompted by the 2023 theme ‘Resilience’, here’s nine years sober, and counting… with some things to say, inspired by quotes from brilliant television series that resonate with me.

 
 
 

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