A few words about java…

We all know the biggest scam in the world, second only to that diddy about the devil (that he doesn’t exist),  or some recent Ponzi schemes, is the coffee scam…  the one in which we willingly pay four dollars or more for a paper cup full of the brown stuff.  It is genius.

The notion that these four dollar cups of coffee are better than what we have at home or were raised with is a bit absurd.  To put this in proper perspective, let’s step back in time a bit.

For me, the best cup of coffee I ever had was made in my ex-mother-in-law’s kitchen…in an old, tin, stove top percolator.  It was the only coffee I could actually enjoy BLACK!  By the way, the second best cup I ever had was made in my ex-sister-in-law’s kitchen, also using an old, tin stove top percolator.  Only with her coffee, I added fresh, whole dairy milk, only hours from being coaxed out of a nearby Holstein cow…and still, no sugar.

This coffee debate will rage on as long a there are Starbucks and Seattle’s Best places to dispense java.  Arguably, many aficianados claim the French press method is best.  The down side here is the fact that by the time this coffee reaches your lips (after pressing and steeping) it just isn’t hot enough any longer for some tastes.

At home, we have been using a Cuisinart coffee maker for quite some time.  After experimenting over the years with many different brands and grinds, we still return to our favorite:  Yuban.  Although Yuban is usually a bit more expensive than the store brands or Folgers, we like it.  Yuban is still more economical than the grind-it-yourself beans from Hawaii, Nigeria, or who knows where.  It just tastes good.

I keep threatening to buy a stove top or even an electric percolator, but I’ve hesitated.  I’m quite confident that a brand new percolator will not produce the results I enjoyed from my ex-mother-in-law’s aging tin appliance.  There has to be something said for a properly aged percolator – there has to be a flavor element factored in from years of use and “seasoning” just like good, old frying pans and grills.

My Mom used to make great coffee, but has since settled for the convenience of Folgers crystals!  Honestly, it is not bad…just not great coffee.

Over the years, Loretta has become (for lack of better word) addicted to adding some sort of Hazelnut coffee creamer to hers.  So have I until recently.  I reintroduced plain half and half (or cream at times) with real sugar to our kitchen and she seems to like it.  I said, “You might like this especially when we are spending more for Yuban!”  She agreed.

At work in the break room there is a Mr. Coffee maker.  I don’t touch that stuff for two simple reasons.  It tastes like battery acid, and, Lord knows what is inside this thing.  In our house, we clean out the coffee maker at least once a week (with one batch per day being produced).  At work perhaps a dozen or more are run through it per day.  My gosh, it must be teaming with accumulated, slimy sludge.  The humanity of it all!  Of course, most of the cups of coffee from this infernal nightmare of a coffee maker are pounded down, not for pure coffee enjoyment, but for the effect of the caffeine. I’m guessing if you drink enough of it, the caffeine will kill whatever is living inside this bacteria laden haunted house.

Whether you imbibe your coffee for the pure taste of slow roasted Colombian grown beans (Thanks, Juan Valdez), or just for the jolting effect of caffeine, keep this in mind.  Every year, surveys indicate the number one preferred cup of coffee comes from Denny’s.  And Denny’s uses a commercial brand called Farmers Brothers purported to be made of coffee essence soaked pieces of paper.  With this information and a quarter, you can get a cup of coffee (50 years ago!).