A Conversation with a Former Athlete

I had a conversation this week with a former volleyball athlete who spent her career at the D-1 level.  It had been her dream, everything she’d wanted.  Now…if this was a straightforward, happily-ever-after story, I wouldn’t be writing this, would I?

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I asked if she still plays or does anything in terms of sports and she said no–not just no like she has no time, but like she never wanted to do anything again with sports.  I asked for clarification and she said I understood correctly.  She was done with sports.  This led to some questions on my end because, as a coach, that’s something I don’t like hearing.

The reality is though, she isn’t alone in her thoughts.  After four years of playing D1 ball, she was burned out and physically spent.  The passion she once had for the game was sucked out by the ‘pressure’ applied from multiple angles.  Some was from herself, always wanting to be successful.  Some was from the coaches who were intense because they feared losing and winding up unemployed–for the coaches, it was a job, work.

I thought about it and realized, I know a ton of athletes who are happy to be done with volleyball.  Some after high school, some after playing two years at the community college level, and a ton after they were done at the NCAA D-1/2 levels (the funny thing is, I don’t seem to get this much from D-3 athletes).

I think the worst of it was hearing that playing college volleyball distorted some of her values–that she was being trained to see her worth through the prism of the scoreboard and win-loss record.  She carried this over to the classroom where anything short of a full ‘A’ triggered depressive episodes.  She was letting other people down by being imperfect, by not getting 15 kills, getting a 92 on an exam.  Ugh.

**So how many people do you know like this?  Do you know coaches who foster this sort of environment?  Is this how we want to define success with young people?  Far too many coaches have forgotten the first rule of working with youth–do no harm.

I’d be more bothered by what she said, except…this wasn’t the end of the conversation.  This former athlete had an epiphany as her senior season started.  She realized her value wasn’t defined by her grades or her scoreboard.  She turned to faith and religion which pointed her in a direction of service and helping others (I’m not a religious person but I have a great deal of respect for people who use faith as a guidepole for their moral/ethical compass whether it is Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, or whatever).  As soon as she did that, it changed her relationship with teammates–they were no longer point-generators or threats to her playing time.  They were her friends, women to share everything with, a support system for when things go wrong, or to share the great things that go on through life.  When she took the step of reaching out, they accepted, reciprocated, having been afraid for the same reasons this former athlete was.  Her senior year did not go great on the court, but she says it is the one year there was no drama, where the team bonded–and that now, several years later, they are all in touch and she has received RSVPs from all of them–her twelve teammates will all be at or in her wedding.  *THIS* is what athletics should be about.

This was how she came to her job, how she found her fiancee, and found a great deal of happiness.  She’s in a great place now.  That’s the happy side for her–a successful, happy young woman who knows the direction she wants to head in and is moving that way.  For her, it is a happy ending.

The unhappy side?  That’s why I’m reflecting and writing this tonight.  Couldn’t this have been done without the loss of passion for volleyball, why did that love have to be sucked away?  This is a person who could have done coaching or officiating as a side job (Lord knows there’s a dearth of quality 18u coaches and officials out there).  I am sure she would have been amazing at it…I think 10-14yr olds would love her to pieces…she’s got that sort of personality.

In some ways, this goes back to what I wrote in my open blog to high-level coaches.  As current coaches, we have a responsibility to help young people find their passions, nourish them–not squeeze them dry.

Heck, look at it as if the coach was a Marine officer.  In their core Corps principles, they specifically address a couple things like this:

1.  Know the mental/physical state of your athletes and look out for their well-being.

2. Set the example (if you are beating the passion out of athletes, why would someone want to continue in that avocation or ever become a coach?)

Coaches make mistakes, chemistry isn’t always there–but as coaches, as teachers, as mentors to young people, we can work on this so that sport isn’t a hindrance to personal growth, it is a boost.