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70. MANAGING CHANGE
When your player is on tour, they will form relationships with many different people – their coach, their trainer, their physio, their doubles partner, to name just a few. Some of these relationships may be short-lived, but others may last for years and become quiet deep and meaningful.
As a parent traveling on the tour with my player, I have seen such relationships grow and develop but likewise, have witnessed the repercussions when these relationships come to an end. I have had to learn to be able to help my player pick up the pieces and think rationally about how to move on when a relationship with a coach, trainer, doubles partner comes to an end – on a temporary or permanent basis. How does the player deal with these situations; these emotional ‘losses’? One day you are working with a coach, or playing with a doubles partner, who you have been with for some time; the next you see him/her on the court with another player. How does that feel? How do you handle it? It’s tough but it’s the reality. It’s life. Such relationships are intense and when they end it can be like the end of a marriage or a long term partnership. It hurts and as a parent you need to be prepared for this and to try to help your player through the ‘grief’ whilst encouraging her to keep perspective and her focus on the job in hand.
The relationship between a player and coach changes as the player matures. At junior level, the coach is the teacher and the guide, and is often linked to the player through the parent. However, as the player moves into adulthood, her relationship with her coach becomes more on a level. The coach still guides and teaches but there is (should be) mutual respect and equality. In actual fact, the player becomes the ‘Boss’ as it is she who is paying the fees, but in reality the player may still see the coach as the leading figure.
A player on the tour spends a huge amount of time with her coach. They travel together, eat together, train together. They also spend much of their downtime together so the bond between them grows. So, when one party decides that it is time to move on, this bond breaks and it can take time for the player (and coach) to recover.
Similarly, with respect to doubles, there are two main types of doubles players. Those who play with a regular partner and those who flit between partners, perhaps focusing on both singles and doubles as opposed to specialising. Those players, who play doubles week in week out, sticking with the same partner, travel together, share accommodation, train together and obviously compete together. Playing doubles is fun; playing with a friend – sharing the on-court joy and stress; but when that relationship comes to an end, it can be stressful and upsetting.
A doubles pairing, or a coach player set up, may not last forever. Goals may change – maybe one player wants to focus solely on doubles; the other on singles as well. Results may start to falter and cracks in the on-court relationship may appear. Living, eating, playing, training, travelling with the same person week in week out, may just get to be too much and a change is needed. The break up of a player/coach/partner relationship can happen at all levels on the tour and the pain is no less severe. Some ‘splits’ are entirely amicable, but more often than not, one party will be hit harder – typically the one who hasn’t instigated the separation. As a parent on the tour, dealing with such an issue is no different from handling our child’s break up from a school friend, partner etc. Be there to listen and offer advice, but not judgement. Those on the outside of the ‘relationship’ cannot fully understand what has gone on, or why the split has occurred, so to make a judgement is misplaced.
Finding the right partner (and coach) can take time and a player may need to experiment with a variety of people before she finds the ‘right’ one. Or she may find two or three partners and have an arrangement whereby she plays with one for a few weeks/tournaments and then switches. This can be good – it gives the players time apart to regroup and adds variety to their tennis experience. But some players may prefer the consistency and reliability of playing with the same person all the time – it’s an individual thing.
So, travelling with a player on the tour means that you are exposed to all the emotional ‘drama’ on and off the court so be prepared! It’s not easy! As a parent (tennis or otherwise) you will need to be a relationship counsellor as well as a sideline supporter, bag carrier and all the rest – see my earlier blog, “All in a Day’s Work”!
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