65. TO BE BRUTALLY HONEST……

Following on from ‘Being Mum’ and to be brutally honest, travelling on the tennis tour with a player is a really tough gig. There are highs and lows and lots in between, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Some days it is just amazing to share the euphoria of a win, but others are heart-breaking and extremely tough to handle, both for player and parent. The pain experienced after the loss of a match, especially one that your player felt she could win, is extreme – it’s deep and cutting and is felt by both player and parent. But as a parent, you cannot really feel the pain openly as you want to support your player and they don’t need to be worrying about both their pain and yours – you don’t want them to feel like they have let you down (which of course they haven’t) – because they are feeling bad enough as it is, so as a parent you try to contain the pain you are feeling and offer support to your player and try to help them take some positives from the match as opposed to pure negatives. This isn’t always easy so it is good to have a friend or family member who truly understands what you are going through so you can share your feelings rather than bottling them up and taking things out on your player, as I have seen some parent’s do.

Now I know it is my choice to travel with my player, but to be honest, I find staying at home staring at the live scores way harder and far more stressful than being on site watching her battle it out. I need to be court-side, watching the matches as they evolve – to be able to know how to handle the aftermath. And if I genuinely cannot be there, for whatever reason, I will make sure that I can watch the live stream/live score if available, even if this means getting up in the middle of the night to catch the action as it happens. Yes, I guess I am obsessive, but not in a mad parent, win at all costs kind of way; more one that wants to be able to share in my player’s ups and downs – to be there to share in the joy of a win or to pick up the pieces when things don’t go to plan. I truly appreciate the amount of blood, sweat and tears that go into the life of a pro tennis player and I want to be able to help my player every step along the way – to try and take away some of the stress and pressure; the loneliness and isolation; and the disappointment she feels when her match doesn’t go the way she planned; and to share her highs when things go right – rather than have her have to celebrate alone. There is nothing worse than not being with your player when she loses – that phone call after the match when they cannot speak because they are so upset at the result of their match – the helpless feeling you have knowing that they are hundreds of miles away, alone and upset. It is much easier to console them if you are there with them but I appreciate not all parents are in a position to do that.

As any parent who follows their child playing sport will know, the level of stress experienced when watching them perform can be incredibly high. Being on tour with a player is no exception and can take its toll! I am sure that I carry a lot of my player’s stress in my own body judging by the aches and pains I have when she plays and the relief I feel when a match is over. I have heard many a commentator say that it is harder being a parent spectator than being the player themselves and I think they might be correct. I have often thought about measuring my heart rate during a match and maybe my blood pressure, as I am sure they will be much higher than they should be, but despite what I am feeling physically and emotionally whilst she is on court, I try to maintain a calm expression and relaxed body position so as not to transfer any of my stress onto my player. Most players will look to their ‘box’ (the parents, coach etc) for reassurance and support and the last thing they need to see is someone grimacing and gesticulating. For sure applaud and offer encouragement but throwing your hands up in exasperation after a double fault will not help your player in the slightest! It’s not easy though and I have been guilty of being over excited at times, but I am learning all the time and I think I am getting pretty good at showing my poker face! It was interesting to hear about the decision by Coco Gauff’s father to watch her recent US Open matches from a hospitality box as opposed to from her allocated supporters box as he felt unable to sit calmly whilst she battled it out on court, but it is no different if you are watching your child play an orange ball match at the local club – the stress and tension is still there and the need for calm is just as important.

So, next time you are sitting court-side watching your child play, try to keep calm and offer only support and encouragement. They will appreciate it and so will your body!

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