117. DEALING WITH THE DOWN DAYS

There are highs and lows in tennis and as a parent of a pro player I have had to learn how to deal with both. Obviously the down days are the hardest and knowing what to say and do when your player is feeling low is incredibly tough.

I have covered this topic in earlier blogs (see links below) but it doesn’t get any easier the more time you spend on the tour. If anything, I think the longer you are ‘on the tour’, the harder it gets. Your player may be more mature and so can deal with the losses in a more rational way, but the losses appear to cut so much deeper. The level of pain and frustration when things don’t go to plan, seems to get greater and more intense, maybe because an element of ‘time is running out’ kicks in and players start to question, ‘have I reached my peak or is there still more to come?’ Either way, I still believe the best approach is to let the player take the lead. Give her time to process the loss and try and pull something positive from it. Don’t be tempted to offer feedback until she is ready to receive it. Her initial views will be irrational, and come more from a source of emotion rather than logic and pragmatism.

As a parent you just want your child/player to be happy so when you see they are in pain, your natural instinct is to protect and relieve the suffering. Chances are she won’t want to listen to mum/dad but you must not take this personally, she is are not in a great place emotionally. She may be feeling the pain of the loss but at the same time, she may feel like she is letting everyone down. She is not of course but she won’t see it that way!

Some weeks on the pro tour your player might lose early in singles or doubles, but sometimes she will exit early in both and these are the toughest weeks of all. You are miles away from home and your player has lost. She is full of despair and frustration, and most likely just wants to go home and hide. But if you are on the tour you just can’t do that. There is little time for feeling sad, players have to learn to process the loss, move on and reset the focus for the next tournament. It’s tough. They have to learn to deal with ‘failure’ on an almost weekly basis, as only one player wins the tournament, so failure is part of the job, and if you are a parent travelling with the player then you, too, have to learn to handle these challenging times!

However, some say it is good for a player to learn, from a young age, to deal with losses, so that when life doesn’t go to plan further down the line, she is ready and can handle things in the best way possible. However, try saying that to a pro player who has just lost a match she thought she was going to win! Best to let her digest what has happened and offer advice later when she is feeling more rational and calm. Speaking from experience of course!

#realitytennis

******************************************************

If you have enjoyed this blog, please follow, share and read more at http://www.realitytennis.WordPress.com and subscribe to receive e mail notification of upcoming blogs as they are released. Follow also at:

Twitter: @realitytennis

Instagram: realitytennis

If you have similar stories to share, please feel free to e mail the author at: sallyappleton64@gmail.com